Page 89 of The Book Swap

“Goodbye, Bonnie,” I laugh, raising my voice and turning my back on the chair. I walk toward the door and open it. “And thank you. There aren’t enough thank-yous in the world for what you gave me.”

I turn one last time, needing to see her. My Bonnie.

“The pleasure was all mine. And, Erin? I’m so proud of you. Don’t forget to make all your dreams come true!”

A smile breaks across my face and I know that while I’m not okay at all, one day I will be. And for the days that I’m not, there’s always the sunshine.

Walking out of my room, I close the door behind me, and press my hand against it, knowing without needing to look, that she’s gone.

I hold the book under my arm and walk back up the road, toward the library.

34

JAMES

I spent so long trying to find the perfect last book to give Erin, I didn’t realize I already had it. That I’d written it myself.

I was able to write it because of the girl in the margins, who encouraged me and educated me and gave me the self-belief I needed. The book isn’t just an explanation for Erin; it’s a thank-you.

To be honest, I’m a bit offended by how long it’s taken for someone to choose it. I put it in the library over a month ago and I’ve been checking several times a day ever since. I’ve even witnessed someone pick it up and read the back, and then return it, which doesn’t bode well for future sales.

Every time I go there, I’ve got a spare copy with me, just in case. If it’s gone, I’ll put another one there, until I know it’s Erin who’s taken it.

And now I know she has. No one else did, but that doesn’t matter. It was only ever meant for her.

I know she’s taken it because I told Joel it’s the only time he’s allowed to mention Erin’s name to me. If he finds out she has the book, he has to contact me immediately. He takes great delight in it, catching me as I sit at home in the world’s comfiest chair, pondering a new book idea.

Joel: Erin has the book! ERIN! ERIN ERIN ERIN ERIN ERIN. She has THE book. Erin has your book.

Joel’s got a job working for a homeless charity now and has way more time on his hands than he used to. That, combined with Cassie, has made him happier than I’ve ever seen him.

It’s late in the evening when he messages, and it might take Erin days to read it. She might not even put it back. I’ve no idea what she feels about me, and I keep telling myself this could just be our goodbye, but I have to know for sure.

I set my alarm for 5:00 a.m. and when it goes off, I wheel the giant suitcase with everything I need through Ruskin Park and toward the library. I won’t miss much about London when I move back to Frome, but I’ll miss this park. I feel like, along with Erin and the library, it helped me to write again. I googled the man the park was named after. John Ruskin. He was an author, but he didn’t write just one type of book. He wrote every type imaginable. Fiction. Poetry. Art. Even children’s books.

My Dad the Superhero has just been sent to a publisher. Maybe it won’t get picked up, but I’ve already had one copy made, just for Jordan.

He, Carl and Elliot have moved back to the UK. It’s what prompted me to make the final decision on my Big Impressions job, and rather than take the promotion, I did a Joel and quit. I thought Dorothy might be really angry with me, but she stood up, smiled and hugged me. She said she was glad I’d finally decided to follow my dream and she’s even keeping me on the books as a freelancer, so I can do training on the side, while I look for work in Frome. Basically, the step I was so terrified of taking has actually given me the life I’ve always dreamed of, and I’m not sure I’d have done it if it wasn’t for the people around me. Erin relit the fire in me. Joel reminded me how much I loved writing. And Elliot made me realize I was living my life in fear of failure and that’s really no way to live.

I’m excited too. To have just one place to call home. A place where I get to see Mum and Dad whenever I want, not just when they need me. It turns out sometimes I still need them too.

Reaching the library, I open my suitcase, then stand back and take a look at Eileen. Rubbing my hands on my jeans, I crouch down. I pick up my hammer, placing it under the gray tiles and lifting them off as gently as I can, then placing them on the ground beside the library. It’s amazing how much of a skilled handyman it can make you, when you have to re-carpet an entire house.

Once the tiles are off, I take out a spatula and start peeling away the old paint. I’ve developed such a character in Eileen now, it’s as though I can see her face flinching as each piece of paint flakes away onto the ground.

“Brighter days are coming, Eileen. I promise.”

I take out sandpaper and sand down the library. My fingers are red raw by the time I’ve done the whole thing. It’s getting lighter now as people start walking past me and under the tunnel to work. I run my hand along the wood to check it’s all smooth.

Taking two tubs of paint out of my suitcase, I then open the library doors and pull all the books out, carefully placing them where the paint was sitting. First I take the lid off the pale yellow, which I matched with a paint app, and apply the first coat. While it dries, I put masking tape around the glass panels of the patterned windows, and open the can of vibrant blue for the door, running my brush carefully along the wood. Then, I fit the roof. I hammer nails through the gray sandpaper-like tiles, making sure there are no gaps for water to get through.

Standing back, I take a look at my work so far. I think Eileen would be happy. It looks as good as new. Finally, I feel like I’ve repaid her for everything she’s given me.

Pulling a premade bacon sandwich out of my suitcase, I sit on the wall behind the library to eat it, spinning around as I hear footsteps coming under the bridge. A man stops and stares at the library, then me. He has a teenage girl with him and he points toward the shelves.

“That’s where I found it, Savannah. Right there. Wasn’t quite as smart-looking back then though.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” I say, smiling.

---