Page 85 of The Book Swap

“I don’t know how to process that information just now,” I say. It’s all I’ve ever known. It’s the story I’ve always told myself.

“Then wait until you hear this,” he says, leaving me to deal with the stuff about Mum in my own time. “Carl’s looking at jobs here. And so am I.”

My head shoots up and I’m unable to wipe the grin off my face.

“For real?”

“What are you more excited about? That we might come back, or that I’m finally getting a job?”

I shake my head, laughing. “I’m very aware you already have a full-time job. You made that clear.”

“Good.” He sighs. “He’s loving it. Carl. All the time he’s getting to spend with Jordan. He’s like a different person here.”

“That’s great.”

“It is.”

We’re side by side, pushing down the last bit into place and he nudges me.

“Don’t get too excited yet though. It might not happen.”

“One day at a time.”

“One day at a time.”

We go back out to the hall and try to pick up the cream carpet Mum chose for the sitting room. Fuck, it’s heavy! We end up heaving it through with a combination of pushing, shoving and pulling. Once it’s in, we roll it from the edge of the dining room to the end of the sitting room and by that point we’re both out of breath and I have sweat covering my forehead. I throw myself onto the carpet, lying on my back. It really is soft like a pillow.

Elliot joins me and we stare up at the ceiling, panting. We lie there in silence long enough for our breathing to return to normal.

Jordan comes running in, his hair all ruffled from sleep.

“Uncle James, please can you read me a story?” he asks.

“I can do one better,” I say, pulling him down onto me. “I’ve got one of my own to tell you. It’s a little bit about your dad, and a little bit about your grandad, and you, my friend, are my target audience, so I need to make sure you like it.”

He squeals, leaning back on me, and Elliot looks over to us smiling.

“I’ll go take Mum her pills,” he says, leaving me to start my story.

I came up with the idea a while ago, as I fought writer’s block. I prefer having more than one idea anyway. This way, if Sophia doesn’t like what I’ve written, I’ve got another. It’s about a stay-at-home dad who’s a part-time superhero.

“Danny wasn’t like other boys,” I begin, trying it out. “Because Danny’s daddy had superpowers.”

“Yippee,” Jordan shouts, jumping in the air—and for now, that’s all the approval I need.

33

ERIN

Six Months Later

“You sure you don’t need a hand with anything?” Georgia shouts from the sitting room, little baby Wren fast asleep against my sister’s boob, as I finish packing my flat.

“Your moral support is everything,” I shout back.

Every time I see Wren, I’m right back there, grabbing Cassie and dashing out of the memorial and into a taxi. The hospital, where I found Georgia having contractions, clutching onto Mum’s arm. The labor room, where we fed her snacks and water as she shouted expletives at us, grabbing at the gas and air while screaming that she can’t do this anymore. Minutes later, baby Wren made her arrival, red-faced and angry as she stole the hearts of all three of us with one loud scream.

Georgia couldn’t take her eyes off her daughter, but the moment I was allowed, I pulled Wren gently toward me, resting her in the crook of my arm. I looked down, taking in her tiny, perfect face, my chest expanding.

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