Page 38 of Pulled Away

“I feel like such an idiot,” I whisper, the words feeling like they’re coated in acid as they leave my mouth.

Because I am. Ryan might think he loves me, but it’s become desperately clear that he loves her more. I can’t ignore it anymore.

“You’re not. And I don’t think it is what you think it is.”

The shake of my head denies his words. I don’t have any fight left in me, not because I’m weak. Because I refuse to have to fight to keep someone’s love. I’m worth more than that.

“Thank you for checking up on me,” I say with as much of a smile as I can muster, but my words are a clear dismissal. I need to do what I do best. Mourn on my own.

He shoots me an understanding smile, and then I’m on my own again.

Just as I think enough time has passed for me to leave without whispers being thrown at my back, I hear the soft tap of heels come up behind me. My back stiffens when I see it’s Hadley.

“I just want you to know it’s nothing personal. If we met under different circumstances, we might even have been friends.”

“Not likely,” I say, unable to keep the scorn from my voice. There’s not a single thing about her I like.

“I suppose you’re right.”

I glance at her, and there’s a small smile playing on her lips and not a trace of grief in her eyes. I’m taken aback because not thirty minutes ago, you would have thought her world was ending.

A part of me did feel sorry for her. For the grief I thought she was going through. I’m intimately familiar with it. I was inconsolable when Mom died. But finally, she’s showing me the real her, and I feel validated.

I was right all along. Those suspicions I had that I thought were uncharitable were right. She’s been faking it all along. Using it to manipulate Ryan.

I chuckle in disbelief. “You missed your calling. You should have been an actress.”

She shrugs as if it’s of no consequence. “How can you grieve something you’ve never had?”

I have no words for her statement. The callousness of it is completely beyond my understanding.

“You know,” she continues. “My parents never cared about me. Ryan’s the only one who’s ever been there for me. Do you really think I’d let him go that easily?”

“But you did let him go. You divorced. You moved away. You’ve been gone for years.”

“Because that’s what he needed at the time. He needed to live a little. Grow up. Look at how Bailey and Quinn turned out. Perfect example. I can guarantee that Hannah and Aiden will be next. Do you want me to quote the percentages of how many couples get divorced because they got married too young? I’ve done my research.”

“You’re very sure of yourself.”

“I look at this like this. You borrowed him for a while, allowed him to…sow his wild oats, and now I’m taking him back. Make no mistake, Ryan’s my end game. He’s always been my endgame. And you’re just a blip on my radar.”

“I hate to burst your bubble, but Ryan called your marriage a mistake. That he realized he loves you as a friend. Nothing more.”

She grimaces slightly. “Men can be so dense. It was a mistake. Then. An impulsive decision. Ryan has always loved me, but he just wasn’t ready. He was scared of the commitment, so I let him go. I wasn’t worried because I knew we’d get back together. Ryan’s always loved me, and he always will love me. And now he’s older. Wiser. He’s ready to start our life together.”

“And yet, he’s with me,” I say, remembering all the times he said that I’m it for him. I might have stopped believing that, but hell will freeze over before I admit that to her.

“Is he?” She has a small smile playing on her lips as she looks at me. “Whose bed did he sleep in last night? Who has he been spending most of his time with since I’ve been back? Do you think that will change once I move back? And I am moving back. I’ve resigned. All that’s left for me to do is pack up my belongings.”

I look at her, and I realize I’m outclassed. I’m too honest, not devious enough to compete against her. And I don’t want to. I don’t want to be one of those women who says, “At least he comes home to me.” Either he loves me enough to choose me, or he doesn’t. I refuse to fight for a man to pick me.

As if she can read my thoughts, she murmurs, “That’s the difference between us. I will fight for him till my dying breath, and I’ll make sure I am whatever he needs me to be.”

“You know you’re fucked up, right? Nothing about you is real. The way you pretend and play with people’s emotions is like it’s a game to you. There’s no way you can win something like that. Not in the long run. The truth always comes out.”

“Aspen,” she says, shaking her head again. “So naïve. That’s what I like about you. The only thing I like about you,” she mutters. “Don’t you know that all is fair in love and war, and I don’t need to win. I’ve already won, and you’ve already lost. You just don’t know it yet. Do yourself a favor and ask him what’s happening next Saturday.”

“Hey. Here you are,” Ryan says, dragging my eyes away from Hadley’s triumphant ones. “I’ve been looking for you.”

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