Page 50 of Sparks Still Fly

As I get closer, she keeps her gaze on my chin or my chest, not meeting my eyes. When I’m close enough to touch her, I let my hands graze her arms until they reach her neck. And when they do, I gently pull her face up so she has to look at me.

“I know this isn’t ideal. This isn’t what you wanted to be doing. But I need you to know how much I appreciate this. How much it means to me.” She nods, releasing her lip, and God, all I want is to take her mouth. Her sky-blue eyes roam over my face, landing on my lips. I lower my forehead to hers, and just as they’re about to touch, I hear the ring of the gate, letting us know the social worker is here.

Maeve practically sprints away from me, adjusting her hair and her clothes even though nothing is out of place. She looks up at me briefly, and I try to reassure her with a smile that this is okay. We’re going to do fine.

“Okay?” I ask. She stiffens, plasters on her practiced smile, and starts walking toward the front door, where our guest will be standing any moment now.

Maeve waits for me there, waving a hand to indicate I should be the one to open the door, and I do. I’m trying my best to look casual, but that little moment between us is throwing me off.

“Hello,” I say to the nice-looking lady at the door. She’s smiling, which feels like a good sign.

“Hello Mr. and Mrs. James. I’m Jessica, your caseworker.” A sharp intake comes from Maeve when Jessica addresses her, and I smile widely at Jessica, feeling pretty pleased with the greeting myself.

“Owen, please.” She takes Maeve’s hand next, but when Maeve doesn’t say anything, I jump in. “My wife is keeping her last name, given her public status. We reserve Mrs. James for a more…intimate setting, don’t we, sunshine?” The way Maeve’s cheeks immediately turn pink is far more satisfying than it should be given what we’re doing, but I need her to relax a bit.

She shoots me a quick glare then turns to Jessica, that practiced smile on her face. “Just Maeve is fine. Please, come in.”

Once Jessica is inside, we lead her to the living room. “Can I get you something to drink, Jessica?” Maeve asks. She’s playing a role now, I can see it.

“I’d love a glass of water, if you don’t mind?” Jessica smiles at Maeve and continues to follow me into the living room. I can see Maeve in the kitchen, being that this is all open concept, and she’s frozen in front of some cupboards. She opens one up, but there are no glasses in it. Another, still no.

I excuse myself and walk in to help her. With a hand on her lower back, I guide her to the correct door and open it up, pulling out a glass and setting it in front of her. She takes it with a shaking hand, and I lower my mouth to her ear.

“Don’t stress. We got this.” I kiss her temple and move back to the living room, where Jessica is cautiously watching us.

By the time I sit down, Maeve is walking in with the glass of water, setting it down on the coffee table.

“Sorry about that. I just moved in, and I’m still figuring out where everything is.” Maeve sits next to me on the couch, keeping several inches between us.

“Oh, you didn’t live together before getting married?” Jessica doesn’t seem to be making any kind of judgments based on our answer, but you never know.

“We waited until we were married.” I move closer to Maeve, wrapping an arm around her. “But I bought this house hoping she’d come live here someday. And here she is.” I smile down at Maeve, whose blue eyes are so wide I have to bite my tongue in order to not laugh. Arthur has already told me he spilled the beans without actually saying the words. The more time that goes by, the less I care about keeping my feelings and intentions from Maeve.

“How romantic!” Jessica brings a hand to her chest, and I imagine a big green check above our heads. We’re winning her over for sure.

“Well, Mr. Ja—Owen. I’d love to know a bit more about the living arrangements for Julia.” She gives us a tight smile. “I know someone’s been here to see the house, and things seemed more than adequate in that department. You’ve prepared well for Julia’s arrival. We just needed to meet Maeve and understand how you plan to care for Julia together…” She clears her throat and looks down at the notebook in her lap. “...since Owen’s name is the only one on the guardianship.”

“Yes, Owen’s name is the only one on the paperwork. I didn’t get the chance to meet Monica, unfortunately.” Maeve looks at me, and then quickly looks away again, a look of uncertainty in her eyes.

“I understand. Do you two plan to adopt her?” Jessica asks. Maeve opens her mouth to say something, then closes it again, her eyes lowering to a spot on the floor.

“I don’t believe that’s what we intended to discuss here.” I take a deep breath and bring my hand to Maeve’s shoulder, squeezing lightly. “We’re talking about my guardianship, yes? Not any future plans for adoption?” I glance at Maeve, who is still staring blankly at the floor.

“Right. We just know acting means a lot of traveling and a busy schedule. It makes being present for a child difficult, I’m sure. This is a major life change. For both of you.” Jessica’s eyes dart between me and Maeve, but I don’t sense that she’s meaning to be intrusive. I know she’s just doing her job, but this fucking sucks.

Maeve looks up and speaks directly to Jessica. “Of course I’ll be present in her life.”

“Of course.” Jessica makes some notes and continues with a few more lifestyle questions. Maeve doesn’t speak again for the remainder of the meeting, and I don’t dare take my hand off her.

Something caused her to shut down, and now my thoughts feel muddled, and though I manage to respond to Jessica, I know I’m not as engaged as I should be. I want to know what Maeve is thinking.

By the time Jessica leaves, Maeve can’t even look me in the eye. As soon as Jessica’s car is out of sight, she takes off, back to the guesthouse.

Every time I feel like we have an opportunity to come together, to get back to the us that we used to be, to take a step forward, something sets us ten steps back. I know she doesn’t want marriage and kids, but those damn specks of hope I can’t seem to get rid of keep pushing me to keep trying with her, anyway.

Logic tells me to stop now, to not bother trying, but love keeps telling me not to give up.

27/

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