Page 10 of A Very Fumbling Merry Christmas

I do as he says, trying to shake out the giggle that’s desperate to escape me. When I’ve taken a beat to compose myself, I open the door and am met with a very stern face from my best friend. I can see Coop is trying to keep his expression as blank as possible, but he’s really struggling.

Hunter erupts with laughter as he takes in the sight before us.

Zee is dressed head to toe, cosplay, Santa’s little helper. It looks even better than I anticipated. Never one to shy away from a dare, she’s rocking cute little elf ears, candy cane stockings, a super sexy elf tutu-type dress, and even the hat with bells on the end—the whole nine yards.

With Hunter unable to contain his amusement, Cooper loses it, doubling over as he walks in the door.

“I hate all of you.” Zee sounds pissed! She prods us all in the chest, hammering home her sentiments. “All. Of. You.”

“Oh shit, we’re going to be on the naughty list.” She’s shooting Hunter a venomous look right now. Coop can see she’s not best pleased and tries to mitigate the tension.

“Babe, you should be thanking whichever one of these clowns gifted you this outfit. You look bangin’. Seriously, your breasts are so fucking hot in that bodice. I’d definitely risk getting coal in my stocking for a naughty night between the sheets. Will you keep it on for me tonight?” Zee tries to stifle a laugh, but she can’t stay mad for long, mainly because I know she’s already plotting revenge. She’ll cover her bases and make sure we all get a gift as equally embarrassing, if not more so.

Reaching into her purse, she grabs something and hurls it at Coop. It’s coal! I have to clamp my hand over my mouth. I’m actually whimpering. I’m trying so hard to contain my laughter, but the fact that she committed to the task and brought actual pieces of coal with her is hysterical.

She reaches for another and then another, hitting Hunter right in the fun-zone and catching me right in the boob.

“Ouch! Not the boobs, Zee.” For some reason, that just makes the boys laugh even harder. It’s not until I drop to my knees, laughing so hard I’m worried I’m going to pee myself, that I notice the shoes.

“We are not going out for drinks tonight, I hope you all know that.” She taps her foot in consternation, but it draws Hunter’s attention to her elf shoes as the jingle bells ring out with every tap.

“Fuck that, we’re definitely going out to a bar. The rules of Secret Santa were clear. You have to roll with it. We had a plan for dinner here and drinks at a bar.”

“I’m going to make you sorry for this, Vaughn. Just wait until the next social gathering. I’ll have you sporting a Santa banana hammock!” When Coop can’t stop laughing, she throws him under the bus too. “Maybe I’ll get you boys a matching set. You think this is funny?”

“You’re right, Zee. It’s not funny. It’s fucking priceless is what it is. I’d gladly wear a banana hammock to see you cutting a rug in the bar tonight.” He gives me a sly wink, and I realize he’s riling her on purpose, so I don’t give myself away.

“I have to agree with him, babe. Heck, I’d go out buck-naked if it means seeing you in this getup. You’re smoking hot, Zee.” I can tell she’s about to make Coop pay for that comment. Her eyes narrow the way they always do when she’s hatching a plan.

“Then you won’t mind all the attention I’m going to get. Sexy elf in a bar full of red-blooded men? They are going to be lining up to sit on my lap and tell me exactly what they want for Christmas.” Resting her hands on her hips, she may as well shout checkmate.

Hunter ushers everyone to the kitchen, attempting to take the heat off his best friend. Cooper looks positively murderous at the thought of a bar full of men ogling his woman. I hold back, walking behind Zee because I can’t stop smiling with every step she takes. Those little bells are priceless. I’m going to pay for this in our wager, but right now, it seems totally worth it.

Zee only picks at her dinner, but she seems in good spirits by the time we’re ready to head out. If anything, my best friend has embraced the challenge and is full of Christmas cheer as we head out on the town.

Broadway is the place to be in Nashville—live music, great crowds, and an awesome atmosphere. The moment we step out of the car, our little party of four draws attention. That’s become the norm for me now. Hunter is recognized everywhere we go, then throw in Coop, who’s still playing for the Titans, and you get a media storm. Add the fact that I have my own hashtag on social media and add a sexy elf of a best friend. Tonight was never going to be a covert outing.

Titans’ fans swarm us, asking for autographs, but the moment they set eyes on Zee, there’s a shift in the crowd. Women keep shouting my husband’s name, but their men only have eyes for Zee.

“I’ve been a good boy this year.”

“I’m on the naughty list, sweetheart.”

“My Christmas wish came early.” Zee catches that last comment and makes a point of holding the offender’s gaze.

“I’m sure that’s not the only thing that comes early.” Coop shrugs out of his jacket and drapes it over Zee’s shoulders in an attempt to cover her up. He’s a man on a mission, pushing his way through the crowd with Zee tight at his side. He’s tackling like he would on the field, and Hunter is quick to follow Coop’s path with his arm firmly around my waist.

When Coop secures a VIP area in one of our favorite bars, Zee hands him back his jacket, sporting a smug grin.

“Reap what you sow, champ.” She waves at onlookers as she fluffs her dress to take a seat.

“I didn’t come up with this ‘gift.’ It was one of those two fucknuts,” he says with his eyes firmly on Hunter.

“Lighten up, Coop. Isn’t that what you told me before we left my place? It’s just a dress, right?”

“It’s not the dress I’m worried about, it is every fucker in this place getting an eyeful of your tits and ass. They are practically salivating.”

“Well, my tits and ass as you so eloquently put it… are mine. They aren’t your property, so if I’m okay with a few stares, it shouldn’t bother you, now should it?”

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