Page 83 of An Empress of Air & Chaos

“Thank you for stating the obvious, Marcus.”

“I know what happens when a man comes across a girl like Emara Clearwater and all I am saying is if you take care of it, the itch will disappear.” A lazy smile spread across his face and Gideon didn’t have to guess twice what he was thinking about. “Trust me.”

“I am not talking about this with you. Thanks for the advice, Marcus, but no thanks.” He pushed his lips into a thin line that allowed his cheeks to dimple and then let the west corridor lead him to the infirmary, in the opposite direction of where his mind told him to go.

Marcus did have a point…

Maybe he could talk to Emara. Maybe that was all he needed to clear his mind.

Gideon placed his hands on the wooden door outside Emara’s room and braced himself against it. He knew he shouldn’t be here before the hunt, but he had convinced himself it was the best option. Maybe Marcus was right. Maybe he did have to get the bubbling sensation of feelings off his chest. Maybe that would help for now.

Thoughts of what Viktir had instructed him to do haunted him. He had given him a task that was to be completed after the Blood Moon battle. A task that didn’t sit well with him. But it was to be done, regardless. It was a mission only Viktir and Gideon knew about. Not even Torin knew.

This was a mistake, he thought as he looked at the door. Conflict boiled underneath his skin. He craved a little bit more of her every time he saw her. But he shouldn’t. What he should be doing right now is polishing his fighting knives and readying his leathers or prepping his arrows. Or taking a shower. Or reading a Gods-damned book!

Anything but being here.

He pulled himself up straight and inhaled deeply, air filling his lungs, expanding his chest out.

You are a man. It is normal to feel this way.

It was normal for his blood to thicken every time he thought of her. It was normal to want to get to know her. Be around her. Even if it wasn’t part of the mission for him to actually feel something real. But he did feel something real…

All you need to do is tell her how you feel.

Really, Marcus? That was his advice?

But he couldn’t, could he? It wouldn’t be fair for her for him to tell her his real feelings.

He promised himself one last encounter with her before his mission started properly. Then he would promise himself to keep his feelings for her contained. He just needed one last moment that wasn’t pretending. He pulled his fist up to knock on the door and it flew open.

“Gideon,” she breathed. The melody of her voice glided through his ears as she spoke his name. Surprise lit up her face. Her black lashes framed the curve in her eye so beautifully.

“I was going to knock, I promise.” He tilted his head to the side and offered her a boyish grin.

Cool and collected, he reminded himself. Stay cool and collected.

“I’m sure you were.” Her gaze lifted to his hand that was still clenched into a fist, hovering above her face. He dropped his arm instantly.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“Well, um, that I am not sure of.” He gulped, knowing he couldn’t say what he wanted to as she stared right into his eyes. By Thorin almighty, she was beautiful. He had to say something. “Are you going somewhere? Because I can come back. Well, actually, I can’t come back tonight because obviously I will be on the hunt and, um…” He trailed off as he drove his eyes to the ground.

Damn it, Marcus! He had gotten into his head. He couldn’t wait to get him into the sparring room tomorrow to show him how to scratch an itch…with his fist.

Her brow pulled down. “Are you okay? You’re acting weird. Is it Cally?”

Even in panic, her voice still sung through him, causing the pressure in his chest to loosen slightly. What was he doing? His control over himself was weakening by the second. This wasn’t cool and collected. He was a trained warrior, Gods damn it, and he could tell a girl how he felt.

“I just thought that I would be—I—I was thinking...” He scratched his head, hoping it would reveal the words he needed to find. Words that wouldn’t make him come across as idiotic as he did now. He could even envision Torin standing over his left shoulder with a mocking grin as he cheered him on. Smooth, Gideon, real smooth. Do you want me to do it for you?

“No!” spilled out like word vomit.

Shock sprung into Emara’s eyes. All he could do was offer her a sheepish grin and raise his shoulders to his ears as heat sweltered his face.

“Gideon, is this about what happened in the gardens?” Embarrassment swept across her face. “Because if it was too much, it doesn’t ever have to happen again.” She looked down. “Just spit it out.”

“Yes, it is about what happened in the gardens,” he blurted out. “Kind of.”

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