Page 72 of Cardinal

Maybe passing on alcohol was a bad idea.

Whatever courage I had in my body ran away like a cowardly dog now that I stood right outside Juliet's door. The debate to turn around to the kitchen for a few shots seemed tempting, but the faint sounds of Juliet's sobbing kept my heart anchored to my spot.

God damn it, quit being a pussy. Just man up, own up to your fuck ups, and fucking beg for her forgiveness and apologize.

It shouldn't be this much of a battle to apologize to Juliet, and it wasn't my stupid 'manly' pride getting in the way. I already chucked that aside during my wallowing of self-pity in the shower a few hours ago. At this point, I was fucking scared. The chance of things not working out for us was because of me terrified and ate at me. I didn't want to lose Juliet because of this, even if it was completely my fault.

Swallowing my nerves, I leaned my head against the door and knocked. "Juliet—"

"No! Go away! I don't want to talk to you! I don't want to see you! Ever again!"

The rawness of her voice felt like claws tearing at my heart. "Juliet, please!"

"No! I hate you! I fucking hate you! You are no better than everyone else in my life!"

Okay, fuck this.

I wasn't going to have another argument through a door.

Grabbing the handle, I tried to turn it but found it locked. The reasonable thing would be to find the key and unlock it like a normal person, but I wasn't being reasonable right now with my urgency to talk to Juliet. So, I kicked the door in.

"Luciano! What the fuck! Get out!" Juliet screamed at me with her raw throat, grabbing the nearest thing to her—a fucking lamp—and hurling it at me.

Ducking out of the way, I let the lamp shatter behind me as I shut the door as best as I could.

Juliet continued to chuck things at me as I approached her, from the little trinkets on her nightstands to the pillows on her bed. I easily dodged them as I made my way to Juliet, who fully stood at the edge of her bed with her hands clenched at her sides.

An ache in my knees caused my steps to falter when I came closer and saw her state. Her face was covered in tears with strands of her hair soaked and stuck to it, her eyes red and swollen, her stuffy nose was red and runny, and her poor lips were getting dry and chapped up. Then, her shoulders slumped, her chest spasmed with her hiccups, and how pained she looked hunched over twisted the dull knife into my stomach.

Fuck. I caused all of that. I did that to her.

"I am so sorry." I croaked out as my knees gave out from under me, sending me to her feet.

Throwing my arms around her waist, I pushed her back a little, forcing her to sit on the edge of the bed. "Juliet, I am so sorry." Everything started to crack with my voice as I hugged Juliet's legs.

"I am so fucking sorry." I couldn't bear to look at her. "Just please let me apologize and explain myself. All I ask is for you to listen. If you want me to leave when I am done, then I will."

I wasn't worthy to gaze upon her anymore.

"I know I can say sorry a million, billion, infinite times, and it won't undo the hurt I have dealt you with my words said in anger." My words strangled my tight throat as my tears started to burn my eyes. "I am sorry for not being a good man to you, the man I promised I would be. God, I am so sorry for hurting you like I did. I didn't physically raise my hand at you, but my words did worse than what a strike would have done, and I am so sorry from my very soul to the bottom of my heart."

Taking a second to breathe and recollect myself, I continued to speak while keeping my head bowed and pressed against her knees. "I had to do what I needed to protect you and keep you safe the day Carol came here for the meeting. The lie slipped my tongue before my mind could catch it. I had no intention of fulfilling it at all, I swear. It was empty-headed of me not to tell you about any of it, but I never thought I would have to cross the damn bridge. I had planned on taking Carol out of business and shutting other places down to put out the fire I had created with the lie. I mean, once I took care of everything, then I wouldn't have to face the music."

Pausing for another moment of silence, I cleared my fogging mind and stroked her calves with my thumbs. "I didn't buy you from your parents or anyone. The day we went to your parents, I tricked them into signing an NDA and gave them money to ensure their silence and cooperation in my lie and for them never to contact you ever again." I wasn't a monster, even if it seemed like it at times.

Swallowing nervously, I slowly tilted my head back to look up at Juliet with terrified but sincere eyes. "Everything about us, my feelings for you, my love for you, is all real. None of it was ever fake or under the guise of leading you into some sham of a marriage." Laughing at myself pathetically, I smiled forlornly at her. "I tried to push you away and keep you at a distance for so long because you kept clouding my mind and judgment, but I couldn't help my heart from bleeding out for you."

My fingers twitched with a need to hold Juliet's precious face and wipe those tears away with kisses. "I cannot imagine my life without you in it. There is no life for me without you, Juliet." A sudden ache in my heart caused me to wince. "I swear, I will get on my knees every second of every day and grovel before you, do whatever you say and ask of me, anything and everything, and you can say and do whatever the fuck you want to me as long as it helps you move towards forgiving me. I will take it all, but…"

The memory of those four words choked my breath and spilled my tears down my face. "But please, please don't ever say that you don't love me, ever again. You can say you hate me all you want, be mad at me, punch me, slap me, kick me, burn me, I don't care. Just don't burn me with those four words, please."

Choking out a pathetic sob because my damn emotions had a mind of their own, I bowed my head again to hide my face in her knees for a moment to straighten myself out as much as possible before looking up at her again with pained eyes. "I don't want that nightmare ever to come true. I don't want to wake up to our bed empty of you. To wake up to a life without you by my side."

My next words might mean nothing to her, but I had to get them out after putting all my heart and soul into them.

"I love you, Juliet, I truly do, and that will never change. You are my principessa, my amorina."

Chapter 36

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