Page 71 of Cardinal

As the ocean of guilt swallowed me, something caught my eyes, causing the knife in my chest to sink deeper.

The necklace she had thrown at me lay discarded on the ground like my heart and mind because I damn well must have fucking lost it somewhere to say the shit I did to Juliet.

Hopelessly, I crawled over and picked up the necklace I had gifted her the day she went back to school. Back then, it really was meant as a symbol of my protection over her, but over time, it became my mark on her. As crude as it sounded, it was my way of marking her as my possession. My girl. Mine.

But the hurt I felt from her taking it off and chucking it at me was all my fault. I deluded myself into seeing the necklace as a collar on her, my collar that I had placed on her months ago when it was nowhere that close. Yet, the meaning to me became skewed over time.

So, when she threw it at me, it was the equivalent of her holding a loaded gun and putting a bullet into me. The thing felt like a bullet hitting me when it bounced off my chest. I had been too stunned at the moment from my heart shattering to pieces and numb from my sheer stupidity to grab it when it fell to the ground.

Why the hell did I even say the things I did?!

I never should have lost control and retaliated like that toward Juliet, no matter how much my fire was fed.

I didn't physically lay my hands on her, but the venomous words I spat were a million times worse than if I did put a hand on her. Physical wounds would heal, but the ones my words created might never.

Suffering in my never-ending cycle of anguish and guilt, the sound of the door opening and footsteps approaching me flew over my head by a mile. I didn't even realize my friends had surrounded me until someone nudged me with their foot.

"Wow, you look like shit." I didn't even have the energy to be mad at Ares and try to punch him for saying that.

"Damn, not even a glance." Sebastian sounded concerned, but I wasn't completely sure.

"Hey," another foot nudged me, Aidan's maybe, judging from the leaner leg. "Shit, how bad did you fuck up?"

A set of hands grabbed my arms, hauling my sorry ass up against the wall before a sharp sting bit my already aching cheek, making me hiss and wince. "God damn it, Luciano, get a fucking grip of yourself." Leah's harsh words scraped my ears like nails on a chalkboard. "Not to say I told you so, but I fucking told you so. You should have come clean with her from the start instead of trying to fix shit under her nose. It was only a matter of time, and unfortunately, that time just came and passed."

"What did you say to her? I mean, did she not understand when you explained yourself to her?" Aidan's question served as another slap to my face as the memories of my hurtful words hit my mind, making me physically wince at the pang to my chest.

"Oh my God, Luciano, what did you say?" Leah groaned tiredly with a shake of her head, her face falling in disappointment as if she already knew what my answer would be.

"Bad things that never should have been thought up in the first place," I admitted shamefully with a sharp inhale. "I just… I shouldn't have lost control… I hurt her so badly, and I'm afraid I've really pushed her off the deep end and lost her."

In no way, shape, or form did I deserve to have Juliet in my arms again or have the privilege to call her mine. But I would be straight-up lying if I said I was okay with that because there is no way in hell that the fact would sit well with me.

Grabbing the front of my shirt, Leah pulled me right up to her glaring face. "If you shoved her, then go jump after her and save her from your stupidity." A forceful shove back against the wall knocked a winded grunt out of me. "Get on your fucking knees and kiss her damn feet." Jabbing a finger right up to my face, she seethed at me, "If you don't make this remotely right, I will castrate you and make sure your dick can never be used again because you don't deserve it."

With a sympathetic pat to my chest, Sebastian let go of me and Ares, who had been on my other side. "Good luck, compadre." Sebastian sighed before stepping away and leaving with Leah.

Then, much to my surprise, something stupid didn't come out of Ares's mouth for once. "Don't make the same mistake I did. Go after her, fucking grovel like your life depends on it because it does. The last thing you want to do is to leave things tense between you two like this." His eyes looked out into the distance with a sad smile on his face. "In our line of work, each day could be our last. Don't leave this memory of yours to be the last she remembers, and you sure as hell don't want this to be the last memory of hers flashing through your mind before Death greets you."

For once in a long time, Ares sounded hurt and broken, more so than me with his heavy and forlorn voice. I couldn't help but wonder if that was the future I was looking at if I didn't make things right with Juliet.

A life of booze and parties didn't sound bad in hindsight, but it would all only be something to distract me from the truth and numb me to reality. I would be miserable living the life Ares was currently living. Hell, I was miserable with my life before Juliet came along and brightened it up with her sunny giggles and smiles.

"For both of your sakes, I really hope she forgives you at the very least… but I really hope you two can patch things up because love like that only comes once in a lifetime." Offering one last smile, he patted my shoulder and squeezed it. "Don't let her go. Fight for her until you cease to exist."

"Ares is right, for once." Aidan agreed with a dry chuckle and a sad smile. "You fucked up, but the damage isn't irreparable from the looks of it. Or, at least, you won't know until you've tried."

But if I tried and she still rejected me, or worse, refused to forgive me, I don't know if I could handle all of that without dying. The thought of Juliet being forever resentful of me or not having her as my girl physically ached my heart, and the more I thought about it, the more I could see myself becoming a shell of myself to pass by each day.

"Can you two do me a favor?"

"Depends on how illegal the favor is." Ares's madman grin stretched at his lips as his eyes set ablaze.

Crossing his arms, Aidan tilted his head slightly. "We're not helping you clean up your mess with Juliet, buddy." Aidan chuckled dryly with a shake of his head.

Forcing a smile to pinch on my face, I shook my head softly. "No, it has nothing to do with Juliet. So, are you in?"

"Fuck it, how bad can it be."

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