Page 39 of Cardinal

God, it's so hard to breathe.

Unconsciously and instinctively, my body shot off my chair and rushed through the house in a frantic frenzy of sobs and tears. I knew in the back of my mind I shouldn't bother him, but my need to seek for him felt so primal. I couldn't control myself. I needed to see him, hear him, feel him—him.

Bang!

"Ju—"

I barreled myself into him just as he stood up from his desk, making him grunt softly. "Make them go away…!" I begged between my sharp gasps.

My hands mindlessly searched for one of his, practically yanking it up and throwing it around my neck. "Luciano. Please, help me. I can't—I don't—please, make it stop…!" I struggled to strain my words out because of my hyperventilating.

Pressure tightened around my neck, making my own pulse thrum in my ears as everything slowly turned into a white noise. Then, it eased slightly, making me breathe in deeply. "Shh, you are safe." I knew he was right there, a few inches from me, but he sounded so muffled and distant.

Something hard snakes around my lower back, and my body is pressed against a hard wall of warmth. "Focus on my voice." He sounded clearer through the haze, but not enough to fully pull me through as I felt some kind of weight threaten to drag me back down. "Breathe for me. In through the nose, out through the mouth." His hot breath washed across my cheek and ear, sending a warm and calm wave down my body. "No one will touch you here. No one will dare come close to you with me around."

Luciano's soothing voice, paired with the feeling of his thumb brushing against my carotid, was enough to make the voices in my head become muffled to the point where I could start pulling myself out. "That's it. Good girl. Relax. Breathe. You can do it." He encouraged and praised me with a smile in his voice as he rocked us back and forth softly. "The bad men can't hurt you anymore. It's not their hands on your body. It is mine. It is my hand around your neck. It is me touching you, and I am safe."

Something soft and warm pressed against my forehead before Luciano uttered a string of incoherent Italian. "You are always safe with me, Juliet."

Safe. I am safe.

Breathing in his words, I let my nerves slowly settle with my breaths. I was almost there; I just needed a little more to take the edge off completely. "Luciano," I whispered through a choked sob, "Tighter, please. I need to feel you." More. I needed more. "Please."

"Juliet." His unsure eyes searched mine as his grip remained unchanged.

"Please. I'll tap you if it gets too much. I just need you to take control, please." I assured him with a desperate frown.

Hesitation cleared his darkened eyes momentarily, but it fled when he pulled me closer until our bodies were pressed hard against each other.

The sudden increase in pressure around my neck made me choke out a strangled gasp as I felt my mind buzz and numb out from the lack of oxygen. Fear gripped me as my instinct for survival caused my adrenaline to surge. The sound of my heart pounding against my ribcage echoed all the way into my muffled ears.

A part of me wanted to fight him out of fear of suffocating to death, but the part of me that trusted him kept my heavy breaths even in rhythm and depth while my heart steadied out in my chest with renewed excitement.

Unable to control my bliss, I let it show through my spreading lips and softening eyes. "Luca… Thank you." I gasped out happily as I stroked the back of his hand with my thumb.

"You're never going to stop calling me that, are you?" He mused with a rather happy smirk as he eased his grip a little to let the blood rush back to my head. "You are lucky that I like it coming from you."

Yeah, he made his displeasure about nicknames known when someone tried to be friendly with him and called him Luci. I don't know what happened to the man, because I ran off when one of the guards caught me snooping around Luciano's office when I shouldn't have.

I don't really know fully how Luca became a thing with him and me, but I chalked it up to my mumbling and stuttering and moments of shortening my speech. Then I kept it up because he would get this annoyed twitch of his eyebrow whenever I called him it. It lost its irritating effect on him after a while, but I liked how his eyes lit up at the sound of his nickname. When it no longer got a rouse out of him, I debated stopping until Gale told me the meaning behind the name.

Bringer of light. Fucking ironic, given his moniker of The Devil and being a mafia boss.

Although, I might be fucking insane for my thought process behind keeping his nickname. No matter how much violence and bloodshed he brought to the world, he could never taint mine. To me, he was a ray of light in my darkness. No one brightened up my life as much as he has. He was both the sun and the moon to me.

Honestly, I had no idea why my therapist hadn't tried to have me committed for how insanely stupid and pathetic I was when it came to Luciano. He may be The Devil, but even The Devil is an angel—or once was.

I might have once hoped for an angel to save me, but now I could see that what I needed was a devil.

An angel would save the world and leave me to burn.

A devil would burn the world for me.

And Luciano had the kerosene and lighter ready.

Chapter 23

Juliet

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