Page 57 of Saving Lauren

He holds me tight, and I feel his pain through our bond, his remorse. I start crying again in earnest. D’Var holds me tight, telling me how sorry he is. Whispering in my ear, holding me. Making promises.

After I am all cried out, I sniff, untangling myself from him. He tells me exactly the words I want him to tell me, but somehow, it’s not enough. It is not nearly enough. So I create some physical distance between us and scoot back a bit.

“You left me!” I cry out. “You promised me you would always be there for me, and you left me.”

“L’Ren,” he begins, but I interrupt him.

“No, don’t L’Ren me. I am so angry with you for leaving me. You broke my heart!”

He nods solemnly, his expression one of utter despair. “I know!” he exclaims. “I know I broke your heart by leaving, I know I hurt you.”

I huff. “You have NO idea how I have been hurting. NO idea.”

He grabs my hand, gently caresses it, giving me a crooked smile. “If I can compare it to the pain I was in since arriving, I think I have a feeling.”

I snatch my hand back and cross my arms across my chest. He cannot make this right with a smile and a joke.

We are at a standstill. The bond is pulling at me to touch him, to let him hold me, to let him make it right. But the pain is also still there; he does look really sick.

Luckily for me, O’Rec chooses this moment to walk in. I quickly stand to take a step back. The look on D’Var’s face is killing me, but I need to have some distance between us.

“I did some tests,” O’Rec begins and all my focus turns on him.

“It seems that your calm was able to push the pain of your separation into a corner of your being. But now that the mission is over, the calm is no longer needed; it is returning in all its intensity.”

I blink and look from O’Rec to D’Var.

“So, you are saying that all the pain I have experienced over the past ten days just hit him at once?” O’Rec nods solemnly.

“Yes, that is exactly what happened.”

Well, that explains why my mate looks like total shit. The pain and agony coursing through the bond when he left, left me incapacitated for days. For all of that to hit him at once, that is just brutal.

Right now, the bond is urging me to go to him, to comfort him. To heal our bond by taking care of him. I want to do that, I really want to do that, because I hate seeing him in so much pain. But on the other hand, it is his own fault! He is the one who left.

I sigh, I am angry, but I am also worried for him. Despite all my big feelings, there is also a deeper understanding about why he left. And well, I guess him being in so much pain is punishment enough for now.

“Can you take him home? To the ship?” I ask O’Rec and T’Rak and they exchange a look and then T’Rak nods.

“Yes.”

“Good, I think it would be best if he recovers in his own bed.”

“Our bed,” D’Var croaks from his bunk. I can’t resist rolling my eyes a bit and it takes all of my strength, but I walk out.

O’Rec is by my side in a heartbeat, silently walking alongside me. I guess T’Rak is carrying D’Var then. Figures since he is the biggest of them. He catches up with me easily, D’Var has been slung across his shoulders unceremoniously, making me snicker a bit when I look back, because they both look ridiculous.

When we get to the ship, I quickly hide in the mess hall, so that T’Rak can install D’Var in his bed. I get out a cup and before I know what I’m doing I am making him tea. The bond humming approvingly. It really is a sneaky bitch. I shake my head, add another cup for myself and then it’s time to face the music and have a real talk with D’Var.

He is lying back on the cushions on our bed, eyes closed. I think O’Rec gave him some nano’s because he definitely looks better than when they first arrived.

“I made you some tea,” I say as I walk up to him. He quickly snaps his eyes open.

“You made tea. For me?”

I smile despite myself. “Yes, D’Var. I made tea for you. It was more the bond, than me if that makes you feel better.” He gives me a bitter smile keeping silent for a bit.

“No, that does not make me feel better,” he sighs before taking a sip of his tea. “Having you in my arms would make me feel better.”

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