Page 58 of Saving Lauren

“D’Var…” I sigh. “You can understand it is not that easy?”

He nods begrudgingly. “I never meant to hurt you, L’Ren.” He says. I settle down in the chair next to the bed and take my cup of tea in both hands.

“But you did, D’Var. You did hurt me. It hurt so much, and it was so bad. I was so cold again, nothing could warm me up this time. The worst part was, that I didn’t understand. I still don’t understand why you couldn’t have talked to me about it, why you couldn’t have trusted me with your fears, why you did not let me help you.”

“You thought it all out, without even a single word to me. I am your mate. Your partner for life, am I not?” He nods. I can tell this is hard for him, but I push through.

“You made a momentous decision. By yourself. It was a terrible decision, even though I understand why you did it, you should not have made it without consulting me.”

D’Var is silent as he is looking at his cup of tea.

“I know…” he says grimacing and he looks up at me, eyes swirling. I just sit there, taking another sip of my tea. It feels like we are in a bad break-up scene and I feel the pit in my stomach hardening again.

“You must believe how sorry I am, L’Ren. I left you, I hurt you. You are right in all that. I did not talk to you about it, while I should have. That is absolutely right. I did not listen to the bond, to you. I only listened to the voice inside me that was taunting me. Telling me that you are not safe, that you can never be safe. That I am not able to protect you enough. I knew that as long as Yalix was alive, I could never trust that nothing was going to happen to you. You are everything to me, L’Ren. I cannot live without you. I was wrong, so very wrong. Please, can you forgive me?”

I sniff, tears coming down my face, again. This man, for all his gruffness, can say exactly the right words. I feel so conflicted.

“I want to believe you, want to believe in you, but it’s just... I am scared. Scared that you will leave me again.”

“NEVER!!!” he vows. “I will never leave you again, L’Ren. I could never survive.”

“So if you are going on a dangerous mission? What will happen then?”

He swallows, I can see that the thought pains him. “We will talk about it, and we will decide what to do together.”

I can’t see from all the tears in my eyes.

“Promise?” I sob.

“I promise,” he vows, putting his cup away as he holds out his arms. “Please let me hold you, L’Ren.”

I quickly put down my cup as well. I lunge myself into his arms. Crying and crying.

“You can never do something like that to me again, D’Var.”

“Never, L’Ren. I will never.” He holds me even tighter and I cry even harder.

“I promised you I would never leave you, and I did. I was so wrong, to break that promise. Please forgive me, I will never leave you again, my L’Ren. You are my life, my stars, I love you so much.”

I hiccup. Did he just say he loves me?

“Say that again?” I whisper as I pull back. He gently takes my face in his hands and looks into my eyes.

“I love you L’Ren, with all my heart. My mate, my Zarra, my stars.”

I sob. “I love you, D’Var.” A sharp pang hits me in my chest, it looks like D’Var felt it too.

‘The bond. It healed,’ he says in my mind, and I give him a wobbly smile.

“Let’s make sure we heal as well,” I say, then he kisses me.

His kiss starts out all sweet and nice, but then it burns very hot very fast. His tongue is slipping through my lips, caressing mine, stabbing, twirling and when he bites my lip I moan loudly.

“Are you ok, my love?” he says and I melt at this new nickname.

“More, please,” I demand. I feel his grin against my lips as he starts ravaging me. He pulls me onto his lap in a heartbeat and I feel his erection pulsing at my core. I grind over it, I feel this incredible need washing over me.

“D’Var,” I pant. “D’Var, I need you!” He must truly understand the urgency in my voice, because he starts tearing at my clothes at topspeed.

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