Page 51 of Saving Lauren

Kepti’s arms are a comforting hold on me, as I hold onto her dress crying, the tears not stopping. Yalix with all his attempts to break me has not accomplished what is happening now. My heart is breaking. My heart is breaking like the origin of all heartbreaks. My mate has gone, he freaking left me.

I want to fight, I want to be angry. But I can’t. The pain is too big. So, I continue crying into Kepti’s arms. Yelling at D’Var. Whimpering at how I can’t be without him. At how much it hurts. Weeping, sniveling and sobbing. Until I feel the presence of someone else.

Someone picks me up and gently lifts me in his arms, tucking me away into his chest. I let it happen. Because I just don’t care. He is not D’Var, so why would I care? They are probably not taking me to him, so I don’t care. I just hurt. I close my eyes, because I want to slip away for a bit, and not hurt so damned much.

When I open my eyes, I’m in an unfamiliar room. I blink, and then the pain in my chest returns. The betrayal of D’Var, because, honestly, that’s what it feels like. When I whimper, I immediately feel someone getting close. It registers that I’m lying in somebody’s bed. Not mine, but it’s a strange bed in a strange room.

Someone puts something cold on my forehead and I turn my head and blink at all the light. I blink again and a familiar face registers through the cloud in my mind.

“Kepti?” I croak. She smiles a concerned smile.

“Oh, L’Ren, I am so sorry.”

I feel the tears streaming across my cheeks, before it even registers that I am crying again.

“He left me,” I manage to get out. She nods.

“Yes, he left. I am so sorry, L’Ren.” She is silent for a beat, she looks as if she’s thinking of what to say, but I don’t really care right now. The bond is like a gaping wound in my chest, bleeding all over. It makes it hard to breathe, hard to think, and each time I blink my eyes more tears are streaming. I turn away from her to my side and I close my eyes. Crying myself to sleep.

When I wake up again, it’s dark and silent. My eyes hurt, they feel the puffiest they have ever been. I had an epic meltdown, and if I didn’t feel so hollow I would be embarrassed.

I turn around and look at an empty room. I’m in Kepti’s spare bedroom. She must have put one of her many-colored blankets over me at some point, because I’m tucked in tight. I pull the blankets up to my chin, closing my eyes again. Replaying the scene in the Garden, over and over. A sob escapes my lips. He was so sure, so unmoveable. I have no idea what I could have done to make him stay. He already made up his mind. Without talking to me.

I think that is what hurts the most. That he came up with some stupid plan to justify his need for revenge, without even thinking to consult me. Do I want Yalix dead? Yes, of course I do. He is a terrible monster, and I cannot begin to imagine what he could do to other innocent females now that I’m out of his reach.

But I don’t want to lose D’Var. I can’t lose D’Var. And with that thought I begin sobbing all over. It hurts to be apart from him, it hurts so much, and I can’t turn it off. And I am also scared, scared something will happen to D’Var and that will kill me, for sure. In no time, my small sobs turn uncontrollable, it doesn’t take long for the door to open and there is Kepti.

She wordlessly takes me into her arms again holding me while I cry it all out. Again. When I’m all done crying, I think, I snivel.

“I’m sorry, Kepti. I keep crying all over you.”

She just smiles and shrugs. “If it is all I can do, I will do so gladly.” Her sweet words almost make me start blubbering again.

Putting her hand to my cheek she says, “You are strong, L’Ren. I know it hurts. Believe me, I understand, but you have to pull through. I know you can. He will come back to you, I know he will, and you cannot wither away while he is gone.”

I sniffle again. “How do you know? I only just found him… and now… he left me.” A tear escapes, and a hollow pit is swirling in my stomach. I sound like a broken record, but it’s true. He left me and I can’t see beyond that.

“I’ll get you some tea, L’Ren. A nice blend to help you sleep. We will talk more in the morning.” She presses my shoulder comfortingly and walks out of the room. I just sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for her to return. When she does, she walks in with two cups of tea. We drink our tea in silence. I let her tuck me in again, like a child.

She silently walks away, and I turn towards the wall again, staring at it, until I can feel my eyes close, and I am surrounded by blackness.

I wake up from a pounding in my head, right behind my eyes. I groan. Then I remember. I reach for the bond, for my connection to D’Var only to realize I can’t feel him. He must be too far away. I close my eyes again and wait for the agony to hit, but I just feel empty, hollow. So, I lie here, listening to the pounding in my head.

Kepti enters the room at some point, but she must think I’m still sleeping, because she silently closes the door again walking away. I do feel a little bit bad, being a terrible guest, but I just want to stay here.

I think I am losing track of time, because I have no clue how long I have been lying here. Kepti visits me once or twice more but leaves when I’m unresponsive to her. Somehow the day turns to night again and I am wondering how everybody keeps on going, while I am standing still.

I fall asleep, but my night is tormented by nightmares of cold and boxes and Yalix taunting me with the mate that left me. How I will always be his little pet and I wake up screaming, drenched in sweat and cold to the bone. Kepti doesn’t come to look after me and I am thankful. I huddle under all the blankets I can find, but I can’t sleep anymore, so I just stare.

Night turns into day and Kepti enters the room and puts a cup of tea on the nightstand.

“You should drink something, L’Ren.” She says and ushers me to sit up. I let the blankets slide from my shoulders and I shiver. I am still cold, so unbelievably cold, and it takes all my effort to sit up.

“You know you should also try to eat something.” I just give her a blank look.

“Yes, I know, I am smothering you, but I cannot help it. It is the mother in me. You, my dear L’Ren, are my son’s mate and that makes you my daughter.” And there I go again with the waterworks.

“You are probably right,” I say with a hoarse voice picking up the teacup. My hands are shaking and Kepti takes them into her own, to help me steady my cup. As soon as I have taken a sip, she gently takes it from my hands and puts it away.

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