Page 59 of Fire for Effect

“Can the answer be both?” I asked, not sure how to even wrap my head around these things.

“Of course, it can. But is that something you can live with long term?” Veder let out a sigh. “I get you, sometimes, you know?”

“I don’t know what that means,” I whined, “but I feel like I should have had coffee before I came here.”

“Shit parents. I bet you moved around a lot, had a ton of economic insecurity. You have trouble getting food on the table growing up? Your hyper intelligence probably got you beat up more than it got you praised as a kid.” He listed off things I didn’t know we had in common. I had always assumed that while Veder wasn’t exactly a “Griffith” level rich, that he probably had a nuclear family, and was prom king. “You have trouble forming relationships, and holding on to them, because the way you were shown love as a kid created an insecure attachment. You probably always wanted your mom’s approval, never got it, realized you’d never get it, so you said, ‘fuck it’, and learned to rely on yourself and no one else. Now you’re afraid to let anyone in because, ultimately, you think they’ll make you feel as shitty as your mom did… or does… and you believe that, in the end, everyone who cares about you will hurt you.”

He turned his head and smirked.

“How’d I do?” he asked, looking for feedback on his assessment.

I blushed, and that was all the answer he needed. “You a shrink now?”

“I’ve been reading a lot about attachment theory,” he confessed, scratching at the nape of his neck. “You really want my opinion?”

I nodded, because I needed someone else to tell me what to think.

“You came here to get away from him, by hanging out with the one guy he hates. You think he won’t come here if he knows I’m around.” He turned to me again, then with a nod of his head, beckoned me to go inside the barn. “But you’re wrong about that, you know? Normally, yes, he wouldn’t come within a one-mile radius of me, but for you?”

The barn, devoid of any livestock, looked like one of those places where you might have those rustic weddings. Perfect, square bales of hay lined the walls, and old equipment lay strewn about, waiting for repairs.

I closed the big barn doors behind me to keep out the morning chill. Not that it mattered. The big lofty space was going to be cold no matter what. Not unless there were more bodies to warm it.

“To be together, you need to heal yourself from the parental trauma of neglect,” he said, walking away, while reciting all my deepest, darkest issues. “And he’ll need to not bully you into the corner, while also not punishing you for Kristin’s actions.” He took a deep breath. “And you need to tell him about Heath.”

I stiffened, feeling the pain of it all. A dislocated arm, a kick to the ribs. My face. My eyes. My ear ringing. Crawling, with a swollen knee and ankle, as a gun was pointed at my face…

I pushed it aside. Blocked it out, in fact, forgetting it all in the same instant it was mentioned.

“He did nothing wrong with Kristin.” Maybe he was madder at Griff than I thought.

“He didn’t do anything wrong to Kristin,” Veder corrected. “But he married a chick he didn’t like to please his parents and fuel his ambition. He never compromised or asked her what she wanted, and he assumed she’d go along, and would bully her if she didn’t. He’s always laying down ultimatums and giving orders. She lashed out by cheating, which ultimately comes from a place of not feeling loved. At least for her.”

“How the fuck do you know this?” Suspicion coiled in my stomach – was it truly a one night stand? Or did he and Kristin go back further? “Did she tell you that?”

“No,” he shook his head, his long, wavy hair tossing around his ears. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about old conversations and analyze them with a clearer mind. Everything I know, I learned from Griff himself in little clips and anecdotes.”

He walked over to an old, white fridge and popped it open. He casually flipped on his phone, looking at a notification, before putting it back in his pocket.

“Tea?” he said, pulling out an iced tea and offering it to me.

I went to grab it as he stood up, but he held on. There we were, the two of us holding onto a glass bottle reminiscent of another night, with another man.

“For you, he’ll storm right in here and punch me in the face.”

“He wouldn’t do that,” I said, shaking my head, as I stared at our hands on the glass.

“Want a bet?”

“Sure,” I laughed, feeling a little lighter from the heaviness of last night’s events already. “Twenty?”

“A hundred if he storms in here,” he said with absolute certainty. “Another hundred if he punches me in the face.”

“Deal,” I said, tugging on the glass, but he still didn’t let go.

The barn door rattled open, the walls practically shaking with the force, and I looked to see the silhouette of a man with fists clenched. Griff’s eyes landed on VD, then the bottle we held between us. I felt the molten heat of his gaze, and almost flinched away.

Veder didn’t look, but instead, leaned down to kiss my cheek then whispered, “I’m hooked to Top’s cameras. I saw him driving up the road. Now, he’s gonna punch me. Just watch.”

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