Page 11 of The Only Goal

And now I’m on the road, driving my son to Ponderosa Countryside Villa and second-guessing myself the whole way.

But where else can I go?

This desire to see Baxter is overwhelming. Growing up, he was always my safety net. And then he was gone, and I mourned him. Shit, I grieved when he left Gladstone. Hudson thought it was because of the unexpected pregnancy and processing that… which, sure I was. But it was losing Baxter that killed me more than anything. I should have known he’d go. He’d been pulling away from me long before I got pregnant. I just didn’t think I’d permanently lose him. I thought we’d find some middle ground somewhere, that I’d still see his quiet, sweet smile when I crossed the street.

But he moved to Nolan and never looked back.

Why are you doing this to yourself?

Common sense has been my earworm since I turned off the expressway, but do you think I’ve taken my foot off the gas or even once entertained the idea of turning around?

Nope.

I’m going to see Baxter. Even if it’s just for a little minute.

Or a lot of minutes.

However long it takes to figure out what I’m supposed to do now that I know my husband likes to have sex with other women.

Shit, was it just that one?

Or has it been many?

Is he in love with Shower Girl? Or was she some fling… or worse… was he paying her to be there?

Bile surges in my stomach, and I grip the wheel, so caught up in rocking boobs and pinched nipples that I nearly miss the turnoff.

Braking sharply, I swing the wheel right and check the rearview mirror.

“Sorry, buddy. Nearly missed the sign.”

Kai gives me a quiet look, then turns to gaze out the window. He’s clutching his little panda bear like his life depends on it, and I know he’s unsettled right now.

Of course he is.

His mother’s acting crazy. Taking him into this foreign territory, crying into her morning coffee, and having shaky phone calls with a man he doesn’t even know.

George Brown might still be my parents’ neighbor, but I never pop over to see him. Since his wife died, he’s really lost his spark. There’s no more friendly waving over the fence or popping around with freshly baked cookies to share. It must have been so hard on him, losing Kylie that way and then having Baxter leave for college only weeks later. What a lonely life he must lead.

My chest hurts, and I rub at my collarbone, recalling the end of our conversation.

“Tammy…” He made me stop midsentence.

“Yes?”

“I’m not sure why you want to see my boy again, but please…”

“Please what?”

“I…” He lost his words after that, so I quickly filled in the awkward space.

“I just want to say hi. Catch up for old time’s sake. It’s no big deal, Mr. Brown. Really.”

“It’ll be a big deal for him. You were his best friend, TT.”

TT.

My heart wept as a wave of nostalgia hit me with a strength I wasn’t counting on.

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