Page 103 of The Only Goal

“It’s, um…”

Silence. I can’t seem to fill it, and things are quickly getting awkward.

Grace lets out an impatient little huff, and I blurt my name before she can hang up on me.

“Baxter? As in Baxter Brown?”

“Yeah.” I nod, then hold my breath.

“Wow. Are you in town or something?”

“Yep. Visiting my dad.”

“Cool.” Her voice picks up, her usually friendly tone returning in an instant. “So, why are you calling me? I haven’t seen you since graduation. I’m really sorry about your mom, by the way.”

“Yeah, I…” Glancing into the cemetery, I take in the light fall of rain and nod. “Thanks. I just, uh…” Biting my bottom lip, I try to think how to make this call worth the effort.

Start with the truth.

“I was just… calling about Tammy. You still see her?”

The silence that follows my question makes me squirm before she finally says, with a smile in her voice, “Yeah, we catch up whenever she comes to town. I saw her a few weeks ago, with Kai.”

“Cool.” I nod, then realize when she doesn’t offer anything else that I probably need to ask another question. Shit! Why is conversation so fucking hard? “Yeah, I just… uh, I was thinking about her. Remembering, you know… high school.” I wince.

“High school. Good times.” Grace is smiling again, I can hear it… but then she goes quiet, waiting for me to get to the fucking point!

“Is she happily married?” My voice breaks as I blurt out the question. “I mean… did she want to get married? Is she… are they happy?”

There’s a pregnant pause that hurts every one of my senses before Grace lets out a soft laugh. “You’re still in love with her, aren’t you?”

I release a sigh, my chest deflating as I close my eyes and croak, “Always and forever.”

“Kind of wish you’d told her back then.”

My heart stutters with surprise, and my eyes ping open. “You do?”

“Well, yeah. You were the sweetest and… her best friend. It always made me so sad that you guys drifted apart. You were each other’s favorite. And then… you were nothing.”

“It kills me,” I rasp. “Do you think she would have gotten married if I’d… told her how I felt?”

“Um… well, maybe.” Grace lets out a sad sigh. “Truth is… their parents made them. They really didn’t have a choice. There was no way in hell Tamara Tan was gonna have a baby out of wedlock. You know how strict and old-fashioned her parents are. They came down hard. And Hudson’s parents weren’t any better. They would have done anything to save face, which is why they pushed for such a fast wedding. We were all smart enough to figure it out when she started showing so soon, but before then…” She lets out a laugh that sounds more cynical than anything else. “We were all young, dumb romantics who could only imagine the perfect fairy tale, right? They were the golden couple.”

“But were they? Really?”

“They sure seemed like it… back then.”

“You don’t think so anymore, though, do you?”

Grace sighs. “I don’t know what I think, to be honest. Tammy just… She’s lost her spark. You can tell she loves being a mother, but whenever conversation turns to Hudson, she just gets this brave smile on her face.”

My eyebrows flicker. “And how long has it been like that?”

“I don’t know. Ever since they moved to the city… or maybe since Kai was born? I just don’t think marriage has been as easy as she’d hoped. I think, maybe if she hadn’t gotten pregnant and she’d gone off to college… maybe she and Hudson would have drifted apart naturally. Eighteen is stupidly young to get married, right? You don’t even really know who you are. And she never got a chance to find out.” Grace sounds sadder and sadder the more she keeps talking. “It just breaks my heart that it all panned out the way it did. She never even had a chance, you know? And now she’s locked in.”

“She doesn’t have to be locked in, though, does she?”

“Baxter, come on.” Grace lets out a pitiful laugh. “She’s Tamara Tan. Her parents will never forgive her if she divorces her husband. And can you imagine the meltdown the Clarks will have? Good God, that would be thermonuclear. There’s no way those four parents are going to let their children break up.”

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