The sudden realization stuns me so much that I stop dead in my tracks in the middle of the sidewalk.
Two girls, who had apparently been walking quite close behind me, bump into me because of the abrupt stop. I spin around, flashing them an apologetic smile, before I step aside.
“Sorry,” I mumble as they walk past.
They give me curious glances but then just nod and continue on their way. I adjust my shirt, which got a little rumpled after the collision, and then smooth down my hair. It’s a relatively warm day, but white gauzy clouds cover the heavens, so it’s thankfully not as hot as it was last week.
I check behind me before I step back onto the sidewalk and continue towards my dorm room.
That incredible realization from earlier still rings inside my skull.
I don’t care what Tristan thinks.
It’s insane. I have never not cared what people think of me. But for some reason, I simply don’t give a rat’s ass about what Tristan thinks.
And it’s so liberating.
Tilting my head up to the cloud-covered heavens, I close my eyes for a second and draw in a deep breath. My lungs expand fully. Gosh, it’s so freeing to not care.
“Elle?”
The voice shatters my moment of peace like brittle glass and makes me snap my head back down and open my eyes again. I come to a halt on the sidewalk. Mei stands before me.
Her dark eyes are full of concern and guilt as she looks at me.
“Hi,” I say, rather awkwardly since I don’t know what else to do.
“I just wanted to…” She fidgets a little and then clears her throat. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” I lie, and give her a bright smile. “Don’t worry about me.”
For a moment, it looks like she’s going to say something. But then she casts a quick glance over her shoulder. Two other girls are coming towards us. They’re not from our sorority. Well, her sorority now, I suppose. But she still looks nervous when she sees them.
She shifts her attention back to me, her face full of regret. “I wish it could’ve been different.”
Then, before I can respond, she quickly walks away.
Turning slightly, I watch her disappear down the road.
“Yeah, me too,” I say to her retreating back.
Resignation washes over me. Suddenly, the white clouds above feel more like a suffocating blanket than a welcome respite from the bright sun. Shaking my head, I quickly make my way to the dormitories.
The large building, made of white stone, is full of people when I return. Some of them nod to me when I walk past on my way to my room. Others ignore me outright.
I squeeze my hand into a fist. I might have been kicked out of the sorority and lost any chance of becoming friends with Mei and those other girls, but I can still salvage this. I can still make new friends, on my own, and create a life for myself. A life that I want.
The thought fills me with a strange sense of giddiness.
Maybe getting kicked out wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe now, I can finally live my own life without feeling like someone is watching me and assessing me all the time.
I grin as I round the final corner and start into my corridor.
It’s time to start making some new friends.
A murmur hangs over the hallway. I raise my eyebrows in surprise as I find a large group of people standing around the door to my room. What are they doing here? They can’t possibly have been waiting for me.
“Uhm, hi,” I say uncertainly as I come to a halt behind them.