It’s immediately followed by a flash of anger.
Lurching forward, I throw my shoulder into Amir’s chest, tackling him. He stumbles back from the force of it and slams into the chain-link fence that cages in the fighting area. A metallic rattling sound echoes through the gym, mixing with the noise from the sparring sessions in the other cages throughout the large room.
I slam my hand towards Amir’s face. He yanks up his forearm to block it. I use that moment to drive my other fist into the side of his ribs. A huff escapes his throat.
But it still doesn’t make me feel better. I still feel angry. I still feel frustrated and confused and guilty.
I shouldn’t have helped Elle last Sunday.
She ruined my life. She destroyed my future. I shouldn’t care about her. Shouldn’t have cared that she had a panic attack. Shouldn’t have felt a stab of pain at watching her claw at her chest and struggle to breathe. I should’ve enjoyed watching it.
But seeing her perfect mask slip to reveal something that raw was… surprising.
I didn’t even know that she was capable of feeling something like that. Capable of feeling something so strongly. But between that panic attack and the wild fury she displayed when she showed up at our house, I’m beginning to think that Elle Summers might not actually be as perfect and put together as she has always made people believe.
Amir kicks towards my knee, and I’m forced to jump back to avoid it. He quickly pushes off from the chain-link fence and goes on the offensive. Slamming my palm into the side of his forearm, I redirect his blow while swinging at his own face. He blocks it with his other arm. I twist around, smacking my leg into the side of his thigh. He grunts but doesn’t go down.
A grin shines on his face as he locks eyes with me and attacks again. I grin back.
It’s interesting… This thing about masks. Amir would never have guessed that I was a quiet and unassuming nerd back in high school, because he has only known me the way I am now. Lethal. Authoritarian. He has only seen me with the mask I choose to show him.
It’s the same with all the people that I beat up on Bracken’s orders. They only see me as the terrifying punisher who will break their bones unless they do as I say. They have no idea that I’m also studying to become an engineer.
It applies in reverse as well.
Most of my professors would never have guessed that I’m a member of the White Serpents. Because as soon as I put on a long-sleeved shirt, which I always do before entering their lecture hall, I just look like a normal athletic guy who simply likes to work out. To my professors, I’m always polite. Always respectful. I never exhibit any of the threatening or cocky behaviors that I use in other situations. Again, they only see the mask that I want them to see.
It hadn’t occurred to me until now, but maybe Elle has been doing the same thing. Maybe she has also been hiding parts of herself underneath carefully constructed masks.
The thought of it fills me with a sudden burst of dark and depraved excitement.
I just want to rip off all her masks and see what’s underneath it.
While ducking another punch from Amir, and throwing several more of my own, I let my thoughts settle until I feel that my head has cleared again. Until I have made a decision.
Comforting Elle, helping her through that panic attack, was a mistake.
From now on, I need to do the exact opposite.
I need to turn up the heat even more so that she will completely and truly shatter.
13
ELLE
After my embarrassing breakdown, it took the entire rest of my Sunday to simply pull myself together and repair the cracks in my perfect façade. But now, as I walk back to my dorm room after my Monday classes, I am once again Elle Summers, the impeccable political science student and the mayor’s flawless daughter.
No one would ever guess that I had a panic attack on the lawn behind my building yesterday.
A shudder rolls through me at just the thought of that mortifying moment. I can’t believe I broke down like that. And in such a public place. It is simply unacceptable. What if someone had seen me?
Strange emotions swirl through my chest.
Because someone did see me.
Tristan saw the entire thing. Saw me practically crawling on the grass because I couldn’t breathe.
I wait for a wave of embarrassment to crash over me. But it doesn’t. Just like it didn’t back when he was in the middle of helping me through the panic attack or even afterwards when I was piecing myself together alone in my room. Because I simply don’t care what Tristan Kane thinks of me.