Page 40 of Troubles

Her breath comes out in a trembling whoosh. Not at all what I was hoping for. “Can—can I think on it?” Fuck.

I clench my jaw, grinding my molars against each other. Nodding my head, accepting the utter disappointment at her reaction, I force a smile to my lips. It’s fake as shite, but I hope it at least comes across as something better than a grimace.

“Of course.”

“It’s not no. I just, this is big. It’s really big. I was with Rob for four years and living together never came up. It just…”

“Lisbeth, don’t. Don’t put me in the same category as that—as him. That’s not fair or right.”

Her gaze jumps to finally meet mine.

“I’m not. I’m just, God this is—I don’t know.” My heart has done its time on the amusement park rides tonight—up and down. Slowed to almost stillness and then thumping through my chest. “Let me try again, I’m not explaining this well,” she starts. “I have stuck to a really strict, disciplined plan for the past three years. The only reason I’m here, within sight of graduating early is because of that plan. Focus and a handful of people who, for some reason, believe in me and support me when my own family can’t be bothered, have gotten me here.”

I know all of these things. I do.

“And I have to talk to Gracyn.”

What the hell? I fight not to bristle at her rejection, devastated that she needs her friend to help her with this decision.

“Surely, she likes me enough, yeah?” I huff out a small laugh as I push my hair away from my face. I lean back in my seat searching for some sign that this isn’t over.

Did I read too much into this? Maybe.

Lis

“Aidan, I’m not looking for anyone’s approval or permission to do this. Yes, it’s a big deal and I guess I wasn’t sure about us.” The hurt pinches his face and mars his features.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed for this. It’s too soon.” His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are glistening as he looks away.

“Please just listen to me. Please?” A slow nod lets me know he’s listening. I wait for him to turn back to me before continuing. “I wasn’t sure about you—about whether you would stay. I’ve been petrified, wanting to ask you, but so afraid of the answer. So afraid that this is more to me than it is to you.” My hand flutters back and forth between us, but settles over my heart.

“Lisbeth, I will love you regardless of whether you choose to move in with me. That’s not going to change.”

“You’re giving up a lot if you stay here, and…”

“Lis, there is no place I’d rather be. I want to be here, with you. Or somewhere else, but only if you’re there too.” He leans across the table, reaching for my hand.

“Your family is all in Dublin. What about them? What about your parents and siblings? What about your nieces and nephews? You’re willing to give up seeing them whenever you want? You’re willing to give that up for me?”

“I’m not giving anyone up. I will see them plenty; every time I travel to the UK for an assignment, and I can’t wait for them to meet you, Lis. I want you in my life, and your life is here.” His voice drops to almost a whisper. “What else is holding you back? What does Gracyn have to do with this?”

No matter how I say this now, it’s going to sound ridiculous. After that huge declaration, I feel completely foolish.

“I can’t just leave her without a roommate. I need to give her time, help her find a new roommate or something. We’ve lived together for more than two years. I can’t just run off and dump the other half of our rent on her. She’s done too much for me to ever treat her like that. Can I say yes, soon?”

He stares at me for what feels like an eternity. I’m not sure Aidan has any idea how much it just took for me to do that, to stand up for myself. To open myself up and argue—push for what I need.

The relief is overwhelming as he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I can do soon.” He settles our bill and we leave the restaurant hand in hand.

I don’t think either of us expected the evening to end this way.

25

Aidan

The bed is far too big to be mine. The air is too cool and quiet to be my flat. And the throbbing in my head is far too severe to be just the drinks I had at dinner last night.

The restaurant.

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