Page 16 of Selfish Desires

But what was I supposed to do? Just show up in New York at Wendy’s apartment, if she still lived there, and ask her to forgive me? There was no fucking way she ever would, and that wasn’t the plan when I fled three years ago. But my mind and heart kept begging me to try. Especially once the threat died.

As I lay in the revolving carousel of perfumed bodies every night, my thoughts would drift to Wendy. I’d remember the feel of her skin against mine, the taste of her lips, and the softness of her hair as it fell across my pillow. But most vividly, I’d remember her laughter, the sound that could make even the darkest days feel lighter. The sound was now just a painful whisper in my mind.

I still spoke to Zachary when he chose to answer my calls. I knew I was an outcast to Blair and, by defacto, my best friend. He chose to stay loyal to Blair, which meant ignoring my existence. I got it. He was willing to sacrifice for the woman he loved. Similar to what I did, except he didn’t rip Blair to pieces in the process. I often wondered how Wendy felt that night when she finally removed the blindfold, sticky in my cum and limbs trembling from how hard I had fucked her, only to be met with silence and an empty apartment.

Up until that night, I had never spoken to her that way, grabbed at her flesh the way I had, squeezed her neck until her face turned a harsh shade of red, but she never told me to stop. She kept going because that was how deep her trust ran in me. She should have never trusted me at all. And yet, my head wouldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts of finding a way to see her because I knew just how and who to ask.

My fingers dialed a familiar number I pinned to memory, and I waited for him to pick up. And on the fourth ring, he did.

“What the fuck do you want?” Zachary growled.

“Woah. Hello to you, too.” I backed my ear an inch from the phone, ensuring I still had hearing.

“I told you, if you call, it has to be during lunch.” Zachary’s teeth were definitely gritted if I still knew him well enough.

“What am I, some secret lover?” I laughed.

“First. I don’t fucking cheat and never on Blair, so don’t even start. Secondly, you’re worse than a side piece.”

“Oh yeah? How so?” I jammed my free hand under my arm.

“Because you’re you.” Zachary’s words cut like hot ice across my flesh. He was right. I was a piece of shit.

“Oh, well. Ouch.” I bit my cheek rather seriously.

“This isn’t a fucking joke, Vincent.” Zachary’s venom seeped through the phone and coated my eardrum.

“Okay, relax. I’m just calling to say hi.” I was a bad liar, squeezing my temple while preparing for the next onslaught of verbal fiery arrows.

“What do you want?” Zachary’s dead tone answered.

“Are we still friends?” I leaned against the window, pressing my forehead against the coolish glass. Ever since fleeing to Miami, I learned nothing felt chilled to the touch. Everything here was so fucking hot.

“You called to ask me if we’re still friends?” Zachary’s tone raised an octave.

“Well, no. I don’t know. You just seem very hostile right now.” I gestured to the empty space before me for no one to see.

“If Blair finds out we still talk, she’ll chop my dick off.”

“Is that really so bad?” I smirked before the growing lump in my throat threatened to cut off my air supply. “I have a favor to ask.”

“Ha! I can’t wait to hear this.” Zachary cleared his throat. “Try me.”

“I need to see Wendy,” I confessed quietly. There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line before Zachary let out a bitter laugh.

“You have got to be kidding me. Jesus Christ, Vincent!” He sounded more frustrated than angry now. “And how do you plan on doing that? I’m not telling you where she lives.”

“You know where she lives?” The thought hadn’t occurred to me, and I wanted to vomit all over the wood floor for not thinking to ask sooner. I knew once I had gotten rid of the threats, it would only be a matter of time until I couldn’t stay away. Why did I never think to ask Zachary about Wendy’s new home? He had told me she moved out of New York years ago, but he didn’t offer any more details, and I didn’t pry. Quite frankly, I didn’t deserve to know.

“Vincent, you’re being a real fucking asshole now. You can’t do this.” I expected Zachary’s anger to grow, but his voice suggested otherwise. He almost…softened?

“You know why I did what I needed to do. Only you get it.”

“No, I don’t understand what you did and never will. What we did back then was all about business. You made it personal, and look how it came back to haunt you. It ruined your fucking life.”

I had confided in Zachary why I left, and at first, he was beyond pissed at me. I was positive he would have cracked my jaw if I were standing before him when I confessed to my blundering. But, ultimately he agreed that I made the right move to leave Wendy. He just didn’t know how I left her, and knowing Wendy, I was almost positive she didn’t tell a soul.

“I remember you telling me how Sadie’s first birthday is coming up,” I started.

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