Page 17 of Selfish Desires

“Absolutely not!” Zachary shouted.

“I don’t want to go to the birthday. I mean, if you invited me, I’d be there. But I wanted to know if Wendy is going?” Beads of sweat erupted across my forehead, and tingles shot through my fingers.

“Vincent, I swear, I’ll fucking punch you.”

“I had a feeling.” I ran my finger along the smooth steel window frame as the sun’s rays spilled into the room, slashing my face. “Just tell me if she’s going to be in New York. I won’t go to the party, I promise. I just need to know if she’ll be there. And I won’t step foot in the party or in the building. I know you said you’re having it at your home.”

“Vincent. I am about to get on a plane to Florida and beat you the fuck up.”

“You’re just wasting your energy. I don’t feel anything anymore.”

Silence settled between us as our breaths penetrated through the other line.

“You're lying,” Zachary finally snapped. “I've known you for years, Vincent. If there's one thing I know for sure, you feel everything. You just hide it better than most.”

“I just need to know if she'll be there,” I reiterated.

Zachary sighed heavily over the phone. “If Blair sees you near our home, she’ll lose it.”

“I already told you I’m not coming to the party. I wouldn’t do anything to ruin your day or Sadie’s birthday.” I swallowed. “If I know Wendy will be in New York, that’s all I need to know. November thirteenth is the birthday, right?”

“Vincent…” Zachary trailed off, but his warning was my question’s answer. “I swear if you do anything to ruin that day, I’ll kill you.”

“You won’t need to kill me. I promise not to see you in a few days.” My finger hovered over the red end button.

“This is wrong, Vincent.”

“I’ll not see you soon.” And then I hung up. How could this be wrong? After years of punishment for Wendy and me, I felt like I was finally doing something right for the first time in a long time. Even if she did see me in less than a week and hatred filled her vision, I knew we wouldn’t end there.

Because, in the back of my mind, we weren’t finished. I just needed to make Wendy see there was still hope…for us.

“Look at her, Blair,” I said, gazing at Sadie’s gorgeous big green eyes with baby blonde ringlets sprouting from her round head. Her cheeks sported a rosy hue, and her chubby rubber band-effect legs stayed crossed at the ankles as she perched on my knee, sucking her thumb. She was a living doll and a perfectly balanced mix of her parents.

“I can’t believe she’s one.” Blair pouted, squeezing the not-so-little baby’s hand, eliciting a squeaky giggle from Sadie. We sat around the kitchen table in Blair’s sprawling chef’s kitchen, which she deserved since she was one of the best chefs in the city. Instead of building Blair a dream closet, he built her a dream kitchen with the finest finishings and stainless steel appliances.

“And I can’t believe this is my first time meeting her.” I grimaced but couldn’t dwell on the lost time because if I did, I’d go crazy.

I arrived in my old stomping grounds, Manhattan, yesterday afternoon. Despite Blair and Zachary’s protests that I stayed with them, my heart needed to breathe some city decadence, so I checked into a hotel on the Upper West Side overlooking Central Park. The yellow cabs zipping through the streets, people rushing around with purpose, the dazzling lights that never dimmed- all of it starkly contrasted my new secluded life.

“There are my girls,” said Zachary’s booming voice, holding a bouquet of pink and white balloons in one hand. At the same time, the other gripped a silver shimmering number one for the tiny guest of honor. “We have one hour until the guests arrive. Is the clown here yet?” Zachary placed his hands on his hips.

“You ordered a clown?” I asked, laughing while bouncing Sadie on my knee. They had transformed their penthouse into a child’s fairytale play-land.

“Of course, what's a birthday party without a clown?” Zachary gave a mock, stern look. “And it's not just any clown, but the best clown in New York.”

“I hate clowns,” Blair sneered, but her face melted when she glanced at Sadie, who practiced clapping her hands. “Where’s Amanda, babe?” Blair stretched her neck to Zachary.

“Ever since she got this boyfriend, her concept of time has gone out the window.” Zachary checked his watch, clicking his jaw. “She’ll be back any minute. She promised.”

“Oh wow. Amanda is dating?” My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. When did everyone grow up? My heart twisted when I realized just how much I missed being away.

“Yep,” Blair confirmed, absently twirling Sadie’s ringlets around her finger. “Been seeing this guy for a few months now. She’s head over heels.”

“Good for her,” I mused, the corners of my mouth twitching in a small smile.

“He’s not a guy, Blair.” Zachary crossed his arms, flexing his biceps through his white button-down. “He’s a boy and has no idea what he’s doing. No one does at sixteen.”

“Oh, so you didn’t know what you were doing?” Blair raised a wicked eyebrow.

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