Page 23 of Selfish Desires

“Vanilla?” I echoed, though it was more of a mumble to myself.

“Goodnight, Wendy.” His voice was distant, like he was already miles away from me. His heavy footsteps carried throughout my house while my eyes remained glued to my slightly trembling hands. At some point, he reached the front door and twisted the knob, the door creaking open.

“Stephen?” My head shot up, and he pivoted to face me. “I’m really sorry for how I acted.”

With a faint smile, Stephen said, “It’s all good. I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe I’ll stop by for lunch.”

“Sounds good.” I nodded, the corner of my mouth lifting as I watched Stephen leave.

And then I was alone…again. I exhaled, fighting the weight of my heavy lids, begging me to sleep, but my body simply refused. If my soul could reject sleep for the rest of my life, that would be its answer. Just to torture me. The pendulum clock on the wall ticked its monotonous rhythm, filling the room with an impending dread. With each swing of its metal arm, my heart lurched, keeping time to its relentless cadence. I pressed my hand against my chest, trying to still the chaotic flurry of emotions threatening to consume me.

As if on cue, three quick knocks reverberated from the door. “Fucking Stephen,” I mumbled, tossing my forehead into my hands. “Hold on. I’ll be right there.” He probably forgot something or worse, had second thoughts, and wanted to choke me. But I doubted that since he never got hard during whatever we tried to do on the couch. I pulled myself up, dragging my feet to the entrance.

As I swung open the door, my lips were ready to fire off another apology, only they froze in their tracks. It wasn't Stephen standing on my porch. The moonlight framed a figure, a silhouette dark enough to make the suburban night seem almost sinister. His white breath clouded inches before his face, sending a shiver down my spine. The figure was tall with broad shoulders, and before I could summon my voice to ask who it was, he stepped into the golden light.

Vincent.

The last time I was this close to him was the night he left me there blindfolded…on the bed. I was about to open my mouth, but no words existed. Instead, my thundering pulse swallowed my speaking ability, and strange black specs began to invade my vision. I stepped forward but couldn’t find my balance. “Vincent,” I breathed as my world tilted, his name anchoring me to reality.

His eyes widened in alarm, and he lunged forward, his reflexes having lost none of their sharpness over the years. His arms cradled me against his chest just as my knees buckled, and I collapsed against him. My senses were overwhelmed with the familiar scent of him. A mixture of musky cologne and a trace of aftershave topped off with a hint of the smoky whiskey he always loved sipping on cool evenings.

I was losing the fight to keep my eyes open as our gazes locked, me peering at Vincent’s dark orbs like he was some God I prayed to.

“Wendy,” Vincent’s deep, echoing voice uttered over the sharp ringing in my ears was the last thing I remembered before the world faded to black.

I knew when Wendy and I finally reunited, it would be intense, but part of my vision did not include her fainting in my arms. Granted, it was almost 4 AM, and we both had, no doubt, long days, but her unconscious body in my arms led me to believe fatigue wasn’t the reason. Wendy never expected me to be here, and quite frankly, I was still surprised I followed through with this plan. But I did it with zero regrets.

I was holding the love of my life again, and I had to make things right. As I looked down at Wendy’s peaceful face, her chestnut hair tumbling onto my limbs, something in me ached. It was a dull yet profound ache of guilt and remorse, of opportunities lost and words unsaid. The silence around us echoed our past—full of whispers we never heard, secrets we never shared. I brushed a lock of hair off her face, the touch eliciting an intense longing within me.

Suddenly, Wendy stirred in my arms, her eyes fluttering open. She stared at me for a moment, confusion etching her features. Then, realization dawned upon her, and she jolted upright so suddenly that she almost fell out of my grasp. She scooted away until her back hit the wall, clutching a hand over her heart.

“Vincent?” she breathed, her voice barely audible. But I heard it all too loud in the silence of the night.

“Yes.” My heart pounded as I watched a myriad of emotions flitted across her face—surprise, disbelief, fear, anger...and perhaps a glimmer of hope?

“W-What are you doing here?” she stammered, wiping the fresh sweat coating her forehead.

“Here, let me get you water,” I said, standing.

“No!” Wendy cleared her throat. “Don’t fucking move.”

“Wendy.” I frowned while I motioned to her trembling figure.

“I don’t need you to get me anything. What I need you to do is get out. And never come back.”

“You don’t mean that.” I stepped closer, and Wendy’s body recoiled against the off-white wall, stopping me from advancing. Her chocolate brown eyes dropped to the floor, refusing to meet mine, and it reminded me of our last night together. That red blindfold burned a permanent image in my brain, and whenever I remembered staring at her, all I wanted was to see her eyes one more time. Now, watching Wendy refusing to lift her orbs from the floor, the memory became a painful reality.

“You abandoned me three years ago.” Wendy’s eyes finally lifted, and they morphed into fiery daggers. “Stick to your plan and leave me again.”

“Wendy, you don’t mean this. I know you.” I pointed a finger at her forehead but didn’t move closer.

“Yes, I do. Now get the fuck out of my house.” The words exited her mouth breathily, still not attempting to stand.

“Wendy, you don’t mean that. Please, let me explain.” My feet moved before my brain could stop me this time, and I reached for her. My fingertips brushed Wendy’s arm, and she yelped, jolting me backward.

“No! No.” Her eyes darkened, and her chest heaved. “Don’t touch me. Don’t you ever fucking touch me. Not after what you did to me. Put me through. You don’t get to have that part of me. Ever again.”

I swallowed, the lump in my throat growing as reality sank in. Wendy wasn’t welcoming me back with open arms as I had foolishly hoped. She was shoving me away, her words like sharpened daggers stabbing my heart.

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