Page 24 of Selfish Desires

“I didn't want any of this, Wendy.” I exhaled. “I wanted to protect you.”

“Protect me?” she scoffed. Her lips curled into something between a sneer and a grimace. “By abandoning me in the most humiliating way possible?” Wendy’s hands flew up in the air, slapping against her legs. “And I still have no clue what you protected me from.”

“That’s why I’m here. I want to tell you everything,” I started, but Wendy kept shaking her head. “If you would just allow me to tell you what I was dealing with, you’ll understand.”

Wendy continued to shake her head.

“Come on, Wendy.” I ground my teeth. “Stop shaking your head and just hear me out for a second.”

And then Wendy stopped, but a shadow fell across her face. The kind that shut the other person out. And I was that person.

“Wendy.” The tremor in my voice betrayed my crumbling façade. “Please...”

She shook her head, and I watched her swallow hard against the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“I don't want to hear it, Vincent.” Wendy’s gravelly voice rubbed me like gritty sandpaper. “You’re too late.”

“But Wendy, I love you...”

“No!” Her shriek pierced the room, silencing my protest. “There's nothing you can say that'll change anything.” When Wendy opened her eyes, tears spilled from them, and never had I wanted to bend to her level, kiss away the salty tears I caused, just to taste a part of her again. My heart shattered, the pieces like jagged glass ripping me from the inside out. A slow yet deserving torture. “Please, Vincent. I’m begging you. If you actually love me, you’ll leave. For good. And never come back.”

But my dumb brain and heart refused to give up. Refused to listen. “Wendy, if you just give me five minutes, you’ll see why I did what I did.” I swallowed, my throat clicking as I watched Wendy slip away from me, rocking back and forth like a scared child on the floor, hiding from the monster. “I needed you to hate me so you would never come looking for me. I had to protect you at any cost.”

And then she broke. Wendy’s head dropped to her hands, and her body convulsed from the violent sobs rocketing through her body. I wanted to run and shield her from the pain, but how could I even do that since I was the source? “Wendy.” I moved again, hovering over her shaking frame. “We can fix this. I'm still the same man you fell in love with, the man who fell in love with you.”

She looked up, her face red and tear-streaked, her eyes a stormy sea of hurt and accusation. “You're not. The man I loved never existed. He was a lie.”

“Wendy,” I pleaded, my voice cracking. “I’m so sorry.”

She continued to sob into her hands; the only sounds in the room were her heartbreaking cries and my echoing pleas that were falling on deaf ears. Her tears were like acid on my soul, searing through every layer of my defenses and leaving me exposed—raw and vulnerable in the face of her pain.

“Just please get out!” Wendy shrieked, using her fingers to shield her weeping eyes, and that was when I knew I wouldn’t get to see the features I fell in love with again…for now.

“Fine.” I nodded. “Okay, I’ll go.” I dragged my feet toward the front door, my heart sinking in its cavity. Her sobs followed me like a haunting echo, seeping into my soul and shattering it piece by piece. As I wrapped my fingers around the doorknob, I paused. “If you change your mind, I’m staying at The Pelican House.” I waited for any sound from Wendy but was met with her silence. “Goodbye, Wendy.” My parting words echoed hollowly in the empty room as I walked out of her home, wondering if I’d ever get to tell her my story. Not that I deserved the fucking chance, anyway.

Wendy was easy to follow the instant I saw her in New York. All I needed was her location from Zachary. I knew they were throwing Sadie’s birthday party at their penthouse, and the rest easily fell into place. Coming face-to-face with Wendy was the difficult part. I just didn’t imagine how hard she’d make it for me to re-enter her life, but I was a fool to think any inch of this journey would have been simple.

I got back to The Pelican House right at sunset. The pictures online didn’t do this place justice. The way the ocean-view balcony overlooked the Atlantic painted a dream, but what I was going through was a nightmare. I wanted Wendy back, but suddenly, the little voice telling me it was too late might have been correct all along.

I stood by the vast window and stared at the ocean sprawled out like a velvet quilt before me, its waves lapping quietly onto the shoreline. The sun was on the horizon, bleeding red and orange into the evening sky. It was beautiful, but all its beauty felt diminished without Wendy to share it with.

The phone in my pocket buzzedZachary. Swallowing deeply, I swiped to accept with one thought: not good.

“Hey, Zachary.” I was already gnawing my lip away, preparing myself.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you,” Zachary answered in the calmest of voices.

And I knew he meant it. “Zach, just hear me out for a moment.” I held out a pleading hand.

Zachary ignored my request. “You came to New York after promising me you wouldn’t do anything to mess anything up. And you do the exact opposite.”

“Look, Zach. I’m sorry.” I shrugged to the air, wincing. When did I turn into such an asshole?

“Sorry? You’re fucking sorry? Do you know that Blair hasn’t spoken to me? Says she doesn’t know if I can be trusted now because I have been speaking to you this entire time.”

“Do you want me to talk to Blair?” I squeezed the bridge of my nose, fighting off a stabbing pain spreading behind my eyes. I hadn’t slept in twenty-four hours, and my body gave in to the fatigue.

“No!” The word was a whip cracking against my ear. “No. I don’t want you talking to Blair. God, Vincent! Have you really lost your fucking mind? What’s happened to you? I thought you were smarter than this?”

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