Page 37 of Worth the Vow

Mom: Goodness, Arianna. Did I not raise you better than that?

Arianna removed Mom from the group.

Luca: Jesus Christ.

Hannah added Mom to the group.

Mom: You’re my favorite, Hannah Ann.

Me: Nice.

Mom: She’s the only one who laughs at my jokes.

Luca: So, Dom. Tonguing the nanny wife?

Me: I thought we should have a practice kiss so it wasn’t awkward in front of the judge. Obviously I didn’t know I had a captive audience in my daughter.

Luca: So was it awkward?

Me: No.

Luca: What else?

Me: I’m not sure what you’re hoping for here, but I’m not talking about my wife like that.

Alex: Ooooooo his WIFE. Look at Dom getting all possessive! “My WIFE.”

Leo: It’s five o’clock in the fucking morning over here, you psychos. Stop adding me to these group chats.

Arianna: But we love you, Leo! We want you to be part of our chaos!

Leo: No.

Leo has left the group.

Mom: Don’t you dare add him back in here! Lord only knows what he’s doing, wherever he is, and he probably needs sleep.

Luca: HOLD UP. It’s five in the morning there? Did ole Leo accidentally give us a teeny tiny detail about his location?

Arianna: Don’t Google this, Luca! What’s the stupid acronym Leo always yells at us?

Alex: OPSEC.

Me: Okay, you want to explain what that means?

Alex: Operational Security. It means you never give away your location, and your family members don’t either, when you’re overseas in the sandboxes.

Luca: I know where he is.

Alex: Christ, Luca. I literally just said don’t tell us.

Luca: I didn’t fucking tell you, now did I? I just said I know where he is. Well, technically I know what country he’s in. Honestly he did it to himself.

Mom: Could we get in trouble if the government finds out we’re talking about this? Could they be monitoring these texts?

Me: I certainly hope not.

Hannah: I doubt it.

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