Page 86 of Secrets & Sake

Is it lunchtime? I check the time and gasp. I slept through to the afternoon. Today is going to be a disaster. Maybe lunch with Ren will cheer me up.

Me: Sure. I’d love to be your sloppy seconds! <3

I’m joking. I really would like to see her right now.

I throw on some clothes and brush my teeth, then borrow a bike and ride to our meetup spot, which is only fifteen minutes away.

The café is not only a café but a laundromat as well, so you can have a coffee and a cute teddy bear-shaped cake while you wait for your undies to dry, I guess. The café is packed with people chatting with friends, scrolling their phones, or tapping through their e-readers.

Ren waves at me from a table. “Isn’t this place cute?” she asks.

I grunt. “Did you order?”

“Not yet.” We leave our bags on our chairs and get in line. Ren gets a latte, a bear cake for us to share, and I order a matcha with soy milk. Ren pays for us, and we take our lunch to the table.

“Sorry about your date,” I say.

Shrugging, Ren sticks a fork into the bear cake and rips off a chunk of its head, revealing yellow cake beneath the chocolate icing. “I guess it will be a while before I find my mate. You’re lucky.” Smiling, she kicks me beneath the table.

Tears sting my eyes. “Yeah. Lucky…”

Ren frowns. “Are you okay?” She points her icing-covered fork at me.

Blowing out a breath, I say, “There’s something I have to tell you.”

And for an hour, Ren listens while I tell her everything about my investigation, what I’ve learned so far, how Takahiro cheated, and what happened with Raiden last night. My eyes sting with guilt and shame. I bow my head low. “I’m so sorry I lied to you, to everyone. You, Raiden, and Hideyoshi have treated me more like family than my own ever did. I’m giving up the investigation. I promise.”

Ren is quiet for a long moment. I can’t see her face, only her hands, tightly clasped on the table. “I see,” she says softly. “So everything was fake.”

I sit upright, shaking my head. “No. Not everything. I care about you. I didn’t expect to, but it just happened.”

“And Raiden?”

A lump rises in my throat. “I love him.”

Ren sighs exasperatedly. “Then why are you here telling me this?”

“Because what are the chances he’ll want anything to do with me? I hurt him. Terribly. After everything he’s been through, he deserves better than that… better than me.”

Ren chews her cake thoughtfully. She’s already eaten half of it. “Sounds like an excuse to me.”

My jaw tightens. “It isn’t.”

“Hiro—Jinta, you’re making excuses. Do you want to be with him or not?”

“Of course I do. But—”

Ren throws up her arms. “Then what’s the problem? Oh. Takahiro.”

My face heats at just the mention of my ex’s name.

With a sigh, Ren pats my hand. “Jinta. Can’t you see? You’re afraid that sooner or later, you’ll be hurt, so you’re pushing him away.”

“No, I pushed him away because he deserves someone who isn’t a failure who disappointed his family.”

Ren arches a brow. “Someone like Katsuki?”

Her question hits me square in the chest. They’d looked good together. Like they fit. Katsuki is everything I’m not. My parents made that clear. “I don’t know. Maybe?” Sighing, I shake my head and stare into the green depths of my matcha. Maybe she’s right. I am scared. Terrified, in fact. If Raiden decided that there was someone better out there for him, it would break me apart.

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