Page 71 of Secrets & Sake

How pretty he looked when he cried, even as my heart broke into pieces.

I want more than my designation in life as Namikawa’s lap dog.

I want… him.

But how can I promise Hiro a future with me when I’m bound to Namikawa’s service? It’s selfish. Unfair. Wrong.

The selfless thing to do would be to sever the thread between us and let him go, let him move on and find someone who can give him the safe, normal life he deserves.

The wolf inside bares his fangs and roars in defiance. I won’t give Hiro up. He’s mine just as much as I’m his. It would be like tearing my soul in two.

So what am I supposed to do? How can I possibly make him happy when my life isn’t safe or secure?

Sure, he was happy this morning. But sooner or later, the rose-tinted lenses will come off and everything will fall apart and—

I make myself breathe around the iron band tightening around my lungs.

Can’t think about any of this right now. Or ever.

“Is this his home? Wow. It’s nice.” Hiro is looking out the window of the Mercedes at Namikawa’s huge traditional home in the countryside. It’s where we often gather for meetings. Just as I step out of the car, my phone buzzes in my pocket.

Takada: I know what you did, you son of a bitch.

What the hell is he talking about?

Takada: you and me need to have a chat. Somebody needs to make you see some damn reason.

“What’s got him so pissed off now?” I growl.

Hiro turns back around, already several steps ahead of me. “What’s wrong?”

Sighing, I throw myself back against the car. “Takada’s pissed at me for some reason. Wants to have a chat.”

A grimace twists Hiro’s sweet face. I hardly ever see him angry. It’s quite the sight, especially since it’s on my behalf. “What gives? Why is he so obsessed with you?”

I drop my gaze to the dirt, suddenly finding it hard to look at him as memories of some of the blackest years of my life claw at my insides. “We were… together for a while. Five years, maybe, on and off.”

A pained look creases Hiro’s face before he schools his expression. “I thought you said you don’t do relationships.”

Fuck, he sounds hurt. I scratch the back of my neck. “It wasn’t a relationship. I don’t know what it was. I was… too young to really make sense of it.”

“How young?”

“Sixteen.” Such a dumb kid I was.

Hiro comes to stand beside me, our shoulders touching.

“Takada used to work for Namikawa, you know? I was a little kid when I joined the gang and I crossed paths with him a few times over the years as I worked my way up. He started getting friendly with me. Gave me my first cigarette. Taught me how to fight.”

I remember how he’d touch me during training, always a hand on the small of my back. How strange it made me feel. I wasn’t uncomfortable, but I should have been.

“He got more and more touchy-feely with me. Nothing sexual, not really. Not for a while.”

Hiro exhales roughly beside me. “Not until you were legal, you mean?”

I fold my arms when my mate’s stare burns into me. “I never asked him to stop. I liked it. Liked that someone was giving me the time of day.”

“You were a child, Raiden, and someone was showing you affection after you’d just been abandoned. Of course you craved that from someone. How old was he?” Hiro asks hesitantly.

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