Page 55 of Secrets & Sake

“I’m so sorry,” Hiro whispers, and to his credit, he sounds like he means every word. “I wish I could help you.”

“You can’t. Nobody can.”

Hiro presses himself to my back, arms tight around me. “This is why you don’t let yourself think about leaving the gang, isn’t it? Because you don’t think you can.”

He’s right, but I can’t find the words.

“Raiden, it’s okay to hope that things will be different.”

I just grunt and let my eyes close as his hands stroke over my chest.

“If you were free, what would you do?”

“There’s no point!” I growl at him, trying to kill off the wants and possibilities and hopes rising within me. Hope is dangerous.

“Just imagine Namikawa’s gone. There’s no one holding you back anymore. You’re free. What’s the first thing you’d do?”

And because it’s just me and him alone in this room, I give voice to the pointless daydreams I’ve had over the years. “I’d leave the gang and open my own restaurant like the one my grandad used to own.” The words flow out of me before I can stop them.

“That sounds great,” Hiro murmurs, resting his stubbly cheek against my back.

“You don’t think it’s stupid?”

He laughs softly. “Definitely not. What else would you do?”

“I’d do whatever I want, be whoever I want.”

But all of this is pointless. I’ll never have any of these things. And yet, I say, “Would we live together?”

Hiro squeezes me. “Yeah. I’d like that. We could live somewhere small and cozy.”

For the first time in hours, my heart feels light and warm. “Sounds nice. I’d like that. Waking up next to you every day. Eating and cooking together. Walking around the city with you. I…”

I have to stop. I can’t fall in love with this future I can never have.

I can’t fall in love with him.

Not when I can’t offer him a single damn thing.

Chapter 15

Iwake up with my body nestled against Raiden’s. We’re both fully clothed, too tired from how hectic yesterday was. I roll over and find myself mesmerized by him as he sleeps, so vulnerable and unguarded.

Last night, when he opened up to me about his childhood, I saw through the scowling mask he wears. I hadn’t realized it was a mask at all. Not until I’d told him I cared about him and watched that mask shatter. I saw the hope he guards so closely, the yearning for a normal life, the normal love he never got to experience.

I’d do anything to give him what he needs. I’d spend every day proving how much I care in actions, in words. I want to be the only one to give him everything he ever lacked.

Shit.

I’m falling in love with him. How can I not? Every day with him is an adventure. He’s brightened my world and filled it with color. I like the way I feel when I’m with him. I like who I am, like I’m enough, just as I am.

I don’t want to believe that he’s responsible for the disappearances. There’s no motive, and yet, he was last seen with two of the missing people. I know by now that he’s capable of violence, but that doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. He’s one of the best men I’ve ever known.

And yet… I’ve been wrong before.

If I’m wrong, and let’s face it, I probably am, and he is the one kidnapping these people, then I’m going to have to choose between him and the truth. I’m a damn reporter. I’ve got a story to tell, the story that could make my whole career.

And all I have to do… is betray the man I’m falling for.

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