Page 54 of Secrets & Sake

I like that he cares about me. It’s different and weird, and I can think of a thousand reasons why he shouldn’t, but I’m a selfish bastard, and I’ll never let him go. Even if he deserves so much better than me.

“Why is it such a surprise?” Hiro asks against my chest. He slides his warm hands up and down my back and sways us side to side.

I rest my chin atop his head. “Daddy issues.”

Hiro snorts. “In a gang, covered in tattoos—I could have guessed.”

I plant a kiss against his soft hair.

“Raiden. Of course I care about you.”

I close my eyes and try to think if anyone’s ever really said that to me. “My parents didn’t.”

Hiro presses his lips against my exposed collarbone.

I try to stop them, but secrets I’ve worked so hard to bury are climbing up my throat. “My father was Namikawa’s second-in-command. He was a complicated man. A drunk. Hotheaded. Kind, but only when he was sober. He and my mother fought often. She wanted him to leave the gang, but that life was all he knew. Mom thought she could change him, make him go straight.” I snort humorlessly. “But she wasn’t enough. One day, I caught him in bed with another woman. He made me promise not to tell, but…”

Memories gnaw at me. I’d been so young, too young to understand what it meant when I found them naked in bed together. I’d felt so confused, and yet, there’d been a sickness in my stomach that told me whatever I’d seen was wrong. That if my mom had known, it would hurt her.

“But I told her anyway.” The guilt is still as strong as it’s ever been. “Cheating is unheard of among werewolves. So many of us mate for life. Mom always thought she and Dad were soulmates, destined for each other.”

Hiro traces circles over my shirt. “Werewolves believe in soulmates? Like, love at first sight?”

“Supposedly, when we find the one we’re fated for, we know right away. There’s a belief that a red string of fate ties us to the one we’re meant to be with, so we’ll know when the red string appears or when we catch their scent.”

Hiro hums thoughtfully. “But your mom and dad weren’t fated?”

“Maybe they were, I don’t know. Mom thought my dad severed the thread connecting him to my mother, rejected her bond, and pursued this other woman instead. Me, I just stopped believing in all that soulmate stuff after how badly their shitty relationship fucked with my head.”

Hiro makes a wounded noise in his throat. “Raiden…”

“Don’t pity me.”

He sighs. “That’s awful you had to go through that.”

“It gets worse, just warning you.” I wish I had a beer to get through the rest of the story. I don’t even have to tell him. I want to. This poison has been consuming me for years. The only person I’m comfortable telling all this to is him.

“My dad wanted to run away and build a new life with his girlfriend. So he stole from Namikawa and ran. Left us behind to clean up his damn mess. Namikawa came to collect from my mother. Among yakuza clans, betraying your boss would be a death sentence. But we’re werewolves. When a wolf wrongs his alpha, he must repay him, or offer him something dear to him in exchange. Since my father was gone, Namikawa demanded my mother give him something worth more than what my father stole.”

Hiro looks up at me, wide-eyed.

“She offered me to him.” I close my eyes tight, trying to forget the fear that had taken hold of my heart when such a cold, powerful man had shown up at our door. His men had torn the place apart for valuables, anything that could be applied toward his debt. I’d gone to my mother for comfort from these strangers invading our home, and instead, she’d shoved me at Namikawa’s feet.

“Take the boy,” she’d said. Like I was nothing.

“Namikawa told me that if I wanted to live, I would serve him for all of my life,” I say, voice like stone. “Of course, I accepted.”

Hiro shivers against me, fingers rubbing the scars carved into my chest. “Those scars are a pact. Aren’t they?”

“They’re a curse,” I growl. “Binding me to him for all of my damn life. He didn’t cut into my skin. He didn’t chop off my finger. I did. I did all of it because I can’t refuse him.” Fury makes my voice thicken.

“You… can’t? At all?” Hiro’s voice is full of horror.

I shake my head. “If he put a gun in my hand and told me to kill you, or Ren, or anyone, I’d do it. I’d have no choice but to obey him.”

“So it’s, what? Magic?”

“Yes.” Just the idea that Namikawa could turn me against Hiro fills me with revulsion, and I want to push him away. If Namikawa figures out how much I care about him, he’ll use it against me. I drop my arms and squirm out of Hiro’s hold. “I don’t know how to break it. I’ve contacted every witch in the city, even some overseas. No one knows how to lift the curse.” I slam my hands down on the marble-wrapped counter. “I’m going to be Namikawa’s pet for the rest of my life!” The anger drains from me, and all I feel is defeat. I slump, face in my hand.

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