Page 108 of Pucking Amazing

Then that’s exactly what we’ll do.

CHAPTER 38

SYDNEY

My car creeps along the dark Chicago streets, my mind too numb to pay attention to anything but the exhaustion seeping into my bones.

What was I thinking, going to that game? Stupid, Syd.

So stupid to put myself through that, sitting in the shadows, heart racing every time DJ or Tyler skated by, terrified they might somehow sense my presence. But how can I do my job if I stay away?

Tomas and Jason and Mikey deserve better, someone who can really be there for them, not drowning in heartache…

I stumble through the door, kicking off my sneakers with a groan. The little voicemail icon blinks on my phone screen accusingly. Damn it, I must have forgotten to turn the ringer back on after the game.

I flop onto the couch and reluctantly press play, closing my eyes.

“Hey Syd, it’s me. Listen, I know things have been...complicated between us. But Tyler and I really need to talk to you. Can you make some time tomorrow? We miss you.” DJ’s velvety voice wraps around me, tugging at something deep in my chest.

I toss the phone onto the cushion with a sigh. Will they ever stop wanting me? More importantly, will I ever stop wanting them?

I can still picture it so vividly—DJ’s sparkling eyes and Tyler’s crooked grin, their hands reaching for me. The memories twist like a knife.

The idea of seeing them again is so tempting. But nothing has changed, and facing their disappointment in person...I’m not sure my fragile heart can take it. DJ and Tyler are too good, too bright and beautiful.

I’ll only drag them down.

No, better to hide away, nurse my wounds in private. Even if it’s torture. Even if it means never experiencing the electric feel of their touch on my skin again.

I grit my teeth and tell myself that somehow I’ll be able to keep doing everything I need to do—stay away from DJ and Tyler, be there for Tomas and Jason and Mikey, the rest of the team.

Piece of cake.

But the bone-deep exhaustion I’m feeling makes it hard to believe my own little pep talk.

I stare up at the shadows dancing on my bedroom ceiling, my mind spiraling in endless circles. I’ve been tossing and turning all night, the sheets tangled around my sweaty limbs. Finally, as the first pale streaks of dawn creep through the window, I sit up with a heavy sigh, resigned to being awake.

My heart feels like a stone in my chest as the realization settles over me.

I can’t do this anymore.

DJ and Tyler are under my skin, haunting my every waking thought. The magnetic pull to fall back into their arms is a constant, irresistible force, but I know it would be a disaster for the team, for my ability to do my job.

What if I’m so distracted mooning over those two that I miss something critical with Tomas’ recovery? Or screw up Jason’s treatment plan because my mind is in the gutter instead of focused on being the kick-ass trainer I know I can be?

I’d never forgive myself.

Rubbing my hands over my face, I let out a shaky breath. There’s only one solution, as much as it guts me to even think it.

I have to resign from the Blizzards.

Walk away from the team that’s become my family. Find a colleague who can step in and give the guys the undivided support they deserve, without the...complications of wanting to bang two of the star players.

“Shit,” I mutter, the word bitter on my tongue.

Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I stumble to my closet to start getting ready, my actions stiff and mechanical. I swipe on some concealer to hide the dark circles under my eyes and pull my hair into a sleek bun.

Padding into the kitchen, I start the coffee maker and lean against the counter, staring unseeingly at the backsplash tiles. In my head, I rehearse what I’m going to say to Vincent.

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