Page 109 of Pucking Amazing

“You know I love this team. Working with the Blizzards has been a dream come true and I can’t express how much I appreciate the opportunity. But I’m just not in a headspace to give the guys my full focus right now, and they deserve better. I think it’s best if I step back...”

I suck in a sharp breath, the thought of leaving DJ and Tyler behind almost incomprehensible. But even as tears prick behind my eyes, a strange sense of calm settles over me.

I know, deep down, that this is the right decision.

The only way to untangle the mess I’ve made and do right by the team. I just hope the guys can forgive me, someday.

With a fortifying sip of coffee, I square my shoulders and head for the door, my future unwritten and my heart already aching with loss.

I swipe at my eyes with the back of my hand, trying to clear the blurry film of tears as I pack up the last of my things in the tiny office that had become my refuge. The resignation had been even harder to deliver than I’d imagined, and I can’t quite believe this is goodbye.

A knock at the door makes me jump. I look up to see Coach Daniels filling the doorway, his broad shoulders nearly brushing the frame.

“Hey Syd, you got a sec?” His deep voice is gentle, concerned.

I nod, quickly wiping my eyes again. “Yeah, of course. Come on in.”

He steps inside but doesn’t sit, shoving his hands in his pockets as he studies me. “I just wanted to say, well, that you’ve been incredible for the team. The progress you made with Tomas and Jason... I’ve never seen anything like it. They’re like new men out there.”

I try to smile but it comes out more like a grimace. “Thanks Coach. That means a lot coming from you.”

“I mean it, Syd. You have a true gift. It kills me that we’re losing you.” He shakes his head. “And I hope you know that what happened with Mikey, that’s not on you. The kid’s got his own demons to battle.”

I nod automatically, but inside a voice whispers that he’s wrong, that I failed Mikey when he needed me most.

If I had just paid more attention, been there for him more...

“Well, I appreciate you saying that,” I say, carefully placing a framed photo of me and Selena as children in the box of my belongings. “But I should probably get going...”

Coach holds up his hand. “I get it. But promise me you won’t be a stranger, okay? My door is always open if you need anything. I mean that.”

Tears sting my eyes again at his kindness. I manage a real smile this time. “Thanks Coach. For everything.”

We shake hands and then he’s gone, leaving me alone once more. I look around the barren office a final time, a heaviness settling in my chest. Then I grab my box and walk out, the click of the lock sounding with depressing finality.

Outside, I stop and take one last look up at the arena, weighed down with regret and sorrow. I failed here, failed the team and Mikey and myself. As I turn and trudge off into the weak winter sun, I feel utterly lost.

What do I do now?

When I arrive home all I want to do is collapse into bed and pull the covers over my head, but as soon as I open the door Selena’s voice cuts through the silence.

“Oh no you don’t, missy. We’re going for a walk.”

She’s lounging on the couch in yoga pants and a T-shirt but jumps up as soon as she sees me, grabbing my arm.

I groan. “Selena, please, I just want to go lay down?—”

“Nope. Emma called me, told me what happened. We’re getting out of this house.” Selena grabs her purse and two iced coffees from the kitchen counter, shoving one into my hand. “Let’s go.”

I sigh but reluctantly follow her out the door, sipping my coffee. As we meander down the street, couples stroll hand-in-hand, groups of friends laugh together on patios. Everyone seems so carefree and happy.

Must be nice.

“I know you’re upset about resigning, but Syd, you are smart and amazing and talented,” Selena says gently, looping her arm through mine. “One bad season, one jerk of an ex, doesn’t change that. You’ll get through this.”

“Will I though?” I mutter glumly. “Feels like everything is falling apart.”

“Hey.” Selena stops walking and turns to face me. “You are Sydney freaking Nelson. My brilliant sister, the talented addiction specialist, the strongest person I know. You’ve overcome so much already. This is just a bump in the road.”

---