Page 79 of Crazy for this Girl

"She means well."

I tsk because sure she does. I don't know what game she's playing at, but someone needs to tell her that she won't be getting his life insurance policy if he dies or any of his assets. I'm not quite sure—nor have I ever—understood where or how my mother believed she could ask men their personal financial business, but she needs to lay the hell off.

"See you down there," I reply, pulling from his grasp because I'm feeling suffocated from the woman downstairs, and the man who's been nothing but kind and patient with me.

God, I kinda didn't ask him to come, but he's always wanted to go to Switzerland too. So I was thinking, why not? Why go alone rather than with someone who is presently here?

And as time went on, Troy grew on me. He helped ease away some of the pain in my chest and of Cal before we started dating.

Now, he's a crutch that I need and it's not fair.

I like him, don't get me wrong, but I'm afraid he's a rebound that I'm wasting my time with. Also, it’s his time that I'm wasting as well because Troy deserves someone who's going to give them their all, and I'm not there yet.

I'm afraid I'll never be there.

I grab my small purse and cell from my dresser, about to shove my it inside the black bag, when it vibrates in my hands.

UNKNOWN: Hey, Tone Deaf. I miss you so fucking much it hurts.

My whole world suddenly shifts on its axis, and I don't realize I'm holding my breath until I’m gasping for air.

There's only one person in the entire world that calls me that, and I've been working on forgetting him and what we had for months.

I stare at the five damning words on my screen, not sure how to react, respond, or even feel. I just know what I know. And that’s that I miss him more than words or songs. I grieve the loss of him and what we were to each other to the point that it consumes more time than it deserves.

I've listened to every sappy one about heartache over and over again, until I couldn't stand it anymore. I've played all the songs he had me download on my iPod over a hundred times, and it still manipulates the wreck in my heart.

For him.

And I can't begin to figure out how to become one piece again.

It's not that he took my virginity that pisses me off. It's that he was so vague about everything that I'm starting to truly believe he's a fugitive I could never be with.

LAYNEE: Cal?

I have to make sure I'm not losing my entire shit. I mean, I know how to read, but I've imagined this moment a million times over in my head. What I would say to him and what he could possibly say to make me forgive him for a second time.

It was all there, right in my piddly brain, getting me ready for if and when this moment ever came to spew out words of loathing and disappointment. But now, they’re lodged in my throat, and I'm suddenly at a loss for words.

The man I've so desperately wanted to speak to just arrived with my heart in his hands.

UNKNOWN: Yeah, it's me.

CAL: I only have a few minutes, but I needed to talk to you.

LAYNEE: Where are you? It’s been months, and you never said goodbye. You left me a stupid note. What’s going on?

CAL: I couldn’t say goodbye to you, Laynee, I’m sorry. I never would’ve left. And I’m working my way back to you.

LAYNEE: What does that even mean? Are you okay? Do you need help you? Are you in trouble?

CAL: I'm fine. Tell me about you. I want to know everything.

I recognize the vague answer but all I can think about is that it’s him. It’s been more than half a year, and I thought I was never going to hear from him again.

LAYNEE: I'm on winter break right now. And you need to give me something. Anything.

LAYNEE: I’m so worried about you, and I’m mad. I’m so mad at you, Cal.

---