Page 43 of Just Between Us

“And I’m happy for you but no way we’re having this conversation.”

“So, you are having sex,” Zoe decides, narrowing her eyes. “Judging by your reaction.”

“Don’t psychoanalyse me,” I bite back.

“Nice,” Zara sings. “Who is it? Is she hot?” She pauses, narrowing her eyes so she looks just like Zoe. “No, it’s a he, isn’t it? Oooh Kai!”

I roll my eyes, but my sisters can read me like a book it seems. I keep my mouth shut though. Eventually, my arrangement with Cole and Levi will end.

It has been weeks now, and I can feel myself getting used to the idea of them. When I don’t see them, I feel a slight twinge inside me, like this weekend when I’ve spent most of my time with my sisters.

After I accidentally slept over a week ago, I haven’t done it again because the morning I woke up, Levi had made pancakes, and I felt my heart flutter in a way I know it shouldn’t.I’d spent the morning with them feeling way too comfortable. For a moment, it felt like I was a part of them, having pancakes and drinking coffee on a rainy Sunday morning.

Now, it’s back to just sex and luckily both Cole and Levi are pretty busy. I haven’t seen them much and when I do, we get naked pretty quickly.

And even if I know it’s a good thing, I still feel the slight twinge of disappointment when Levi doesn’t show up for lunch or nights they don’t ask me to come over.

“Well, even if you won’t tell us who it is, we’re very happy for you. You deserve some good dick,” Zara says.

I groan. I could have lived without ever hearing that word come out of my sisters’ mouths. “Please never say that word again.”

“Which one, ‘dick’?” Zara asks innocently. “What’s wrong with dick? Do you prefer penis? What about c—”

“Please, make her stop,” I beg Zoe who is laughing so hard her head falls back.

It’s a Sunday, and the sun is surprisingly out but the March air is still biting cold. It’ll be Spring soon, but London doesn’t seem to know that yet. We finish up our lunch before the twins have to catch their train back to university.

We walk slowly to the train station, enjoying the sun and when it’s time to say goodbye, I have to swallow the thick lump that forms in my throat.

“Hey, by the way, Dad called us the other day,” Zoe says.

The hair on the back of my neck stands and my heart slams against my chest. My mother and my sisters don’t know about what I did to Kenny or what he did to me, and they never can. To my sisters, he was an okay dad with alcohol issues. To my mother, he was the man she loved until he wasn’t.

“Oh, what did he say?” I ask, my voice dry, the strange messages that I erased from my mind creeping up again. He hasn’t messaged me since, probably thinking he’s scared me enough.

“The usual,” Zoe shrugs, “Wanted to know how we’re doing.”

I shut down my spiralling thoughts and try for a smile. “That’s nice of him to check in.”

They both shrug, indifferent. They don’t know about the countless beatings, the horrible words, and the disgusting friends who tried to get into my sisters’ room.

Sometimes I wonder whether I should have done what I did. Maybe if I’d moved in with my aunt, they would have been happy. Maybe I took something away from the twins and my mother because I was so desperate to stay. Maybe Kenny was right, and I no longer fit into their family.

“We have to go,” Zara announces. She reaches out to pull me into a hug. I hold her closely, breathing in the sweet perfume she likes to douse herself in. “I’ll see you soon, Kaikai. Be good whilst we’re gone, okay?”

Kaikai, they used to call me that when they were toddlers.

I snort as she pulls away. “No more blacking out. Promise?”

She gives me a mock salute.

I have to pull Zoe in for a hug and she quickly pats my back a few times before pulling away. “I hope we can meet your mystery boyfriend when we’re back.”

I shake my head. “You won’t because there is no mystery boyfriend.”

“Mystery fuckbuddy then,” Zara rolls her eyes and takes Zoe’s hand. “We gotta go. Later Kai!”

“Bye you two, let Mum and I know when you make it back.”

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