Page 83 of Sweet Madness

“Hi, Mommy,” I say, my voice trembling a bit. “I just wanted to see your face and hear your voice,” I managed to croak out. At this moment, with guilt and sadness clawing at me, I revert to the little girl who feels safest in her mommy’s arms.

Mom’s brow furrows, sensing something is wrong with me. “Has something happened? Is everything okay, stink?” Mom uses the cute nickname she called me when I was younger. She hasn’t done that in a while. It makes me feel nostalgic and miss home more than ever.

Tears well up in my eyes, my throat tightening with emotion. I can’t seem to stop; I hate crying in front of my parents, but this time I have no choice. The emotions are too strong, and this moment has been building up for years.

I shake my head, unable to hold back the flood of emotions any longer. “I... I love you, Mom. You know this, right?” I choke out, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Mom’s expression softens, her green eyes misting over. “Of course, I do,” she murmurs, reaching out her delicate hand as if to touch me through the screen. “I love you, too. Now, tell me what’s wrong.” Mom’s eyes harden a bit. “Did that man—” I cut her off before she can say anything else.

“No. Shaw is… perfect.”

She frowns, seeming confused. “What is it then? Should I call your father?” She starts to get up, but I stop her.

“No, don’t bother him,” I say.

I’m not ready to face him just yet.

“Ellaiza,” Mom grows impatient, obviously worried.

I take a deep, shuddering breath, trying to steady my racing heart. “I’m just... I’m so grateful for you and Dad,” I manage to say, my voice thick with emotion. “For your unconditional love, for everything you’ve both done for me. For always being there for me when I’m sure at times life wasn’t easy for you.”

Mom doesn’t need to share the gritty details of her life before Dad. I can tell it must have been ugly and painful, especially when I see her staring out the window with a sad look, as if her past still haunts her after all these years. While Dad was blessed with loving parents, whom he lost in a horrific way, Mom had only herself and her sisters.

My mother’s gaze softens again, clearly affected by seeing my pain. “You and your siblings are our life, you know that?” she whispers, her voice gentle and comforting as always when one of her kids is hurting.

How foolish I’ve been.

How could I ever think my parents wouldn’t love me for exactly who I am? How could I let others’ opinions affect me so much that I felt the need to lie and hide the real me from my parents?

Unable to hold back any longer, I let out a sob, burying my face in my hands. “I know, Mom,” I cry softly. “I just... I don’t know what I would do without you.” Glimpses of Shaw’s heartbroken face as he speaks of his greatest pain haunt me.

Mom’s eyes glisten with tears. “You don’t have to worry about that, sweet girl,” she says softly. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

I hiccup sadly. “But you won’t be with me forever. One day you will—” I can’t finish the thought— it is too painful and too heartbreaking.

After a long and dreadful pause, Mom speaks up. “I know.”

I look my mother in the eye through the screen, and my heart squeezes at the sight of her tears. Mom never cries, at least not in front of us. She’s always been our anchor, and seeing her in tears only makes me feel worse.

“One day, I won’t be here physically, but, baby, I’ll always be in your heart. You’ll never be alone, and you don’t need to worry about that. Your father and I aren’t going anywhere for a very long time.”

I nod and then smile sadly at her, my tears clouding my vision.

I wipe away my tears, my heart heavy with so much love for my mom. “I don’t know how you loved a child who wasn’t yours so deeply, but thank you.”

Mom’s expression softens at first, but then she speaks with a fierce intensity that startles me. “You were my first love, Ellaiza Kenton. Before you, I only knew love that hurt. You broke down the walls around my heart and melted the ice that kept it barely beating with your pretty smiles and sweet heart.” I choke on a sob as I listen to my mother.

With a fierceness I’ve witnessed most of my life, Mom whispers, “My heart needed you to survive.”

Her words hang in the air, heavy with meaning and so much love. My mother’s eyes bore into mine through the screen, showing a depth of emotion that surpasses mere words.

“Mom…” I whisper, my voice breaking with emotion.

“You’ve always been more than just my daughter,” she continues, her voice trembling slightly. “You’ve been my calm after every painful storm. You, your father, and your siblings are my happily ever after.”

Tears well up again in my eyes, touched by the profound love and vulnerability in Mom’s words.

“I mean it, sweetheart,” my mom says firmly, her gaze unwavering. “You brought joy into my life when I thought there was only ugliness in the world. You’ve made me a better person when I didn’t know how to be anything but cruel.”

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