Page 82 of Sweet Madness

Turning away from the mirror, I face the stark reality of my new existence—a life without her warmth, her guidance, her love. With each breath, the pain gnaws at me, a constant reminder of what I have lost.

My guardian. The only woman who ever loved me for me.

I close my eyes briefly, willing myself to find a fragment of strength amidst the overwhelming pain and despair. But all I feel is the cold grip of sorrow and death, wrapping around me like a suffocating embrace.

At that moment, as I stand in the quiet of the bathroom where my mother chose to end her suffering, I make a silent vow to never let anyone get close again. I vow to never let love in.

Love feels beautiful while it lasts, but it always fades away.

It always comes to an end.

I’ve never known one that stays.

Space Note

“How sad that the most massive stars are the shortest lived.” — E

Chapter

Twenty-Two

A MOTHER’S LOVE

Ella

“She has a wild spirit and a soft heart.” — S

The next day flies by in a blur, and my heart still feels heavy—heavy and sad. My mind keeps me up all night after learning about Shaw’s mother’s suicide. God, he is the one who finds her. I can’t imagine the excruciating pain he must go through and still goes through every time he replays that memory.

No one should ever have to experience that. It must be hard enough to lose a parent, but to also bear witness to their hopelessness and despair is truly heartbreaking.

It’s no wonder the beautiful man builds impenetrable walls around his heart and loses his smile. How could he find joy in life after losing his mother in such a horrific way?

If I had gone through what he did, I don’t think I would survive, but he does. Yes, he’s a little grumpy and a recluse in this small town, but damn if he doesn’t have the biggest heart. A heart that no one but me gets to see because he lets me in, and that’s why I wake up every morning under his roof, determined to bring joy and laughter back into his life.

That strong, harsh, and brave man opened his heart to me last night, and now, even though my heart is full of love for him, it still aches.

I sit on the edge of the bed, a knot tightening in my chest as I replay our conversations in my mind. His pain is palpable; his wounds are still raw despite the years that have passed since that fateful morning.

He must carry such a heavy burden in his heart.

Now I understand that Shaw Banning isn’t off chasing stars like I made myself believe as a young girl. No, he is struggling to keep afloat.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, trying not to suffocate as I think about how much pain he is still in. God, I don’t know what I would do if I were in his place.

Mom and Dad.

They mean everything to me.

I can’t help but think how lucky I am to have healthy parents, while Shaw doesn’t. He never mentions his father, and his mother suffers a tragic fate.

Life can be so unfair sometimes.

And yet, despite having my parents alive, I’ve kept them in the dark when they deserve to know, even if it means I might disappoint them.

Overwhelmed with guilt and grief, I pick up my pink iPad and send a video chat request to Mom. Instantly, her beautiful and regal face appears on the screen.

“Ellaiza,” Mom’s tone comes through, harsh and worried.

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