Page 98 of Kadra: The Unfeeling

While the three of us walk side by side it dawns on me why every time I look at Azariel I see so much of Vitali in him. Why my Russian has taken a great interest in Azariel. Why their bond grew effortlessly.

But it can’t be. Can it?

I look between them.

The raven black hair, identical gray eyes and pale skin tone. Yes, Azariel had a slight tan whereas Vitali doesn’t but still the similarities didn’t end there.

It’s more than just physical traits they share…

That word that always comes to mind whenever Vitali is near pops up.

Fate.

If I didn’t believe in it before I sure as hell do now.

* * *

After Azariel made us ride the bumper cars four times, twice in the teacups, and once on the Ferris wheel. Vitali and I walk side by side watching Azariel walk towards the popcorn stand where the men are waiting for him to take him on more rides while we watch.

Being here, in this place where there are fun rides, delicious food and a happy atmosphere made me realize I missed so much as a kid. I guess when you don’t experience normal things normal kids do then you don’t have anything to compare it to really. Nothing to miss. I see now just how much I really did miss.

Good thing is Azariel won’t ever miss anything. He’ll experience life like I didn’t and that makes me feel whole. Everything I’ve been through led me here to this moment in time. To them.

If I have to walk through hell seven more times I would if the end game was this. Them.

“Why a carnival?” I ask once we reach the carousel.

Looking at the large, circular machine with seats in the shape of horses, I wait for him to respond.

I don’t particularly care for animals. It’s no secret. It’s a miracle I bonded with Greta yet I’ve always had a soft spot for horses. Not only are they beautiful and majestic creatures but they are also symbols of strength, courage and freedom.

When I see one I always recall the time I found a Trojan horse figurine in the cemetery near Amadeo’s grave.

It’s silly but the animal makes me feel strong and so does the figurine. It reminded me of how resilient and strong the creatures are. That is why when we climbed the carousel, I looked for a black horse and that’s the one I chose.

“Oomph,” the wind is knocked out of me when I’m suddenly lifted off my feet and dropped down on the horse seat. My lips twitch lightly when I turn to look at Vitali standing behind me with his large hand on my lower back keeping me in place so I don’t fall. “I wanted to see you smile. Azariel too.” He shrugs while piercing me with that gaze that makes me weak in the knees. “I thought this place would make you happy. I wanted you to experience all you missed as a kid.” I hold on to the pole tightly doing my best to hold on and not fall off when the machine starts to go around and round.

“Vitali…” I breathe out feeling so much at once.

“Yes, baby?”

Baby.

My heart did that throbbing thing where it felt like it might blow up from the pressure.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“You can tell me anything.” As the world around me spins, I keep my eyes on him. Only ever him. Vitali has always kept me grounded when everything else moved too fast. He was there with his hand on my back much like he is now even if I didn’t see him. My Russian had always been close to my heart like a shadow. Mine. When the words get stuck in my throat, he cups my cheeks and speaks. “You’re okay.” He presses his lips to my forehead. “Tell me.”

“I’m afraid this is all a dream and that tomorrow I’ll wake up and you’ll all be gone,” I whisper, feeling vulnerable. I take a deep breath and add. “Everyone leaves me.”

“This is no dream. Tomorrow when you wake up I’ll still be here. I’ll be here forever if you want me to.”

Forever… nothing has ever sounded better. Sweeter.

Do I have forever?

Feeling like that little girl who hid from the world in a cemetery again looking at the larger-than-life man in black who always brought the storm with him, I hold his stare and then speak. “Do you promise?” I ask weakly.

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