Page 96 of Kadra: The Unfeeling

I suck in a breath, and don’t notice that more tears have fallen until he starts to kiss them away.

At this moment as he holds me while I fall apart, I say thanks to whoever sent him to me not once but twice because my Russian barged into my life wreaked havoc on my order and disrupted my perfectly laid plans. At first, the moves he made were insignificant, but they kept escalating with time. By the time I noticed the changes, it was already too late to kick him out.

Not that I think I could.

Because if I’ve done it, I wouldn’t have this.

This sweet love that gives me the strength to carry on. The courage to push through the pain.

Now I can’t ever imagine a world where he isn’t right here next to me. Holding me.

That is a world I don’t ever want to be a part of.

Chapter 28

KADRA

FAMILY, WISHES & STARS

“Magic, heaven, sin… him.” — K

“A… carnival.” When Vitali told me this afternoon that he wanted to take us somewhere I never would’ve guessed his idea of fun would be a small-town carnival far away from the city. I’ve come to learn that as much as we do have plenty in common there are a few things he enjoys— like his computer skills and now this carnival —- that is not my definition of fun.

A place that sells junk food, has screaming children running wild and creepy clowns on every corner is not the definition of fun for me. Luckily for me the only thing I need to worry about is junk food and the creepy clowns since Vitali shut down the carnival for us.

I do my best to try to control my smart mouth because as much as this is not the place I would’ve chosen for a night of fun, he had only good intentions. My sweet Russian.

“Give it a chance.” Vitali nudges my shoulder gently and it doesn’t escape me the sudden shock of electricity I feel when our bodies make contact sending images of last night to flash through my mind. Shaking my head, I do my best to ignore the filthy memories because we’re not alone.

I snap my gaze from Vitali and look behind us to the little boy walking in silence between Vernon, Grim and Crow looking around him with big eyes.

My heart melts.

There’s something about experiencing the world through Azariel’s eyes that makes me feel as if I have a second chance at life. That’s Azariel’s effect.

I think back to this afternoon when I fell apart in the garden after seeing my sister with her baby boy. Guilt clawed at me immediately because yes, I experienced a tragic loss but life gave me Azariel. It gave me my boy and I’m thankful for him. He is more than enough.

He is everything I need.

“Your smile kills me, love.” I didn’t realize I was smiling until Vitali pointed it out. And then he smiled, a genuine smile that showed his straight white teeth, and I swooned.

Literally swooned. There was no armor that could protect me from Vitali when he smiled. To make matters worse, he was charming. Charming. Almost boyish and all kinds of adorable, like he was happy we were there. I couldn’t handle this.

I don’t hide it. I don’t feel self-conscious. I feel… free.

“Likewise, Solonik,” I mumble shyly, making sure he’s the only one that hears. He does and my response only makes his smile widen and those gray eyes I love so much shine like diamonds and like every star in the sky tonight.

Vitali walks side by side with me looking all chill in faded jeans with ripped knees and a black T-shirt. He opted for comfortable and casual tonight whereas I chose the other route. Uncomfortable and over the top.

I’m wearing an oversized leather jacket that fits me like a dress and cherry red stiletto that match my lipstick.

In my defense Vitali didn’t specify where we were going and even if he did I would never be caught in comfortable shoes.

Over my dead body.

Loud pop music starts to blast from large speakers, startling me. I still don’t know what possessed Vitali to bring us all here to a carnival of all places. I don’t know but if this corny place made him smile, that lights up his face and makes Azariel look around him in wonder then it’s worth it. So worth it.

“Fuck yes. Corn dogs!” Crow bellows, his smile megawatt as he took in the countless food vendors. “Boss, this is fucking great.” At times, Crow child-like excitement scares me. I’ve seen the things he can do with just his bare hands and there’s nothing childlike about that. But here at this moment surrounded by amusement rides, merchandise vendors and colorful lights he reminds me of a little kid on his first trip to a carnival.

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