Page 74 of Kadra: The Unfeeling

VITALI

MONA LISA

“Let me listen to the sound of your heartbeat.” – V

“You look funny.” A soft murmur sounds from next to me as I stand fixing the collar of my black dress shirt. When I turn, I find the voice belongs to Azariel who is frowning up at me with a serious look on his face. As if he’s trying to figure me out.

Smiling down at my boy, I ask. “How so?”

“You’re not shirtless.” He shrugs and the sleeve of his hoodie rolls back exposing his pale skin. The smile on my face widens when I see the black doodles that look like exact replicas of my own ink.

The siren on my forearm.

The bold letters on each of my knuckles.

The stars.

The dragon scales.

Every single one of my tattoos.

At times, I find myself looking at him when he doesn’t notice. Love like I’ve never felt before blooms in every dark corner of my tainted soul brightening everything in sight. Then I look at how much he resembles me and not just physically but the way his mind works is much like my own. He even likes computers. He spends hours on the top-of-the-line computer system and sometimes he plays on his gaming consoles in his room. No doubt a gift from the woman who believes herself to be heartless.

“Aza,” I speak softly, then I notice how he flinches when I call him that. “What’s wrong?” I asked, worried I did something wrong.

His gray eyes meet mine and there I see only anger. Anger no kid his age should carry in his heart. An anger that reminded me so much of what I carried in my own heart at his age. “Azariel is a strong name for a strong boy.” He says with conviction. It almost seems scripted.

Pride and hurt hit me at once as I looked into my son’s eyes. “Azariel, then.”

He nods once and then he tilts his head as if he’s trying to look closer. As if he is trying to see through me to my soul. “Do you have kids?” He asks blindsiding the fuck out me.

His question throws me off guard.

I am not a liar contrary to what Kadra believes.

To lie is to take the easy way out.

That’s not who I am.

So, I look down at my son, blood of my blood, and I answer him with the truth. “Da.”

Azariel frowns. “How many?”

“Just one,” I answered without taking my eyes off him.

“Boy or girl?”

“The most perfect son,” I whisper.

His frown deepens and I wish I could be inside his head to know what is going through his head just now. God, the word ’you’ is on the tip of my tongue. I could tell him now but it still doesn’t feel like the right time. For me it is. I’ve been ready to take him into my arms and never let go since I saw him standing in the rain.

“Where is he?” My son’s question gets me out of my head.

I think about it for a second before responding.

“He was lost to me for a long time…” I croak out. “But I found him and he won’t ever be alone again,” I whisper fiercely, emotion choking me.

Azariel grows eerily silent and then bows his head in defeat, killing me. It’s like a knife to the heart. Fuck.

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