Page 153 of Kadra: The Unfeeling

What a beautiful life indeed.

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Two Days Later

“Open them,” I say, and all the important men and little men in my life tear into their boxes wrapped in white paper and then toss the tissue paper out onto the floor. I see the looks of confusion then realization fills their eyes and laugh when they all look between each other and me. “Is this real?” Vernon asks. “Fuck yes,” Crow howls, holding up his shirt that says Uncle the exact same shirt as the others, except Azariel’s says Big Brother.

“It’s real.” I laugh and then start to tear up a bit when they all come closer to congratulate me either by hugging me or kissing my forehead. The hormones have me acting all soft and emotional. It has to be it.

Then my sweet Azariel takes a seat next to me on the soft and hugs me tightly. Once we were careful not to touch him without his permission to not trigger him. We wait patiently for him to give us whatever he feels comfortable with and lately, he gives us a lot. More hugs. More tender words. Just more.

With Azariel in my arms and Vernon holding my hand, I look at all the men in the room including Grim who too stands in the corner with his very own t-shirt the same as the rest with a soft smile on his face. “We’re a family. I hope you know this...” I make sure to look at all of them so there’s no doubt about it and so they can see how sincere my words are. I mean every single word. These men are my family. It does not matter if we don’t share the same blood. We share the same scars and a whole lot of love and that’s more than enough. That’s everything.

“We know,” Vernon says first, letting me go so he can congratulate Vitali while Crow puts on his shirt looking extremely proud and dare I say adorable.

They’re all so proud and happiness shines in their eyes even in Vernon’s, who lately seems to be losing his fight against the demons of his past.

They’re happy for me and I love them more for it. Once I would never have imagined a day where the words I love you would so easily fall from my lips, but now there’s not a day where I don’t tell my husband and my boy that I love them.

I tell them all the time. The fear of one day losing them or not being able to tell my people how I feel keeps me up some nights. Now, not a day goes by when I don’t show my family exactly what they mean to me. And I’m sure sometimes I sound like a broken record telling them that I love and appreciate all of them all the time, but oh well. Some things are worth repeating and I will tell them for the rest of our lives. None of us got to grow up in a loving environment with a family that cared. We didn’t get to have that growing up but now we do. We chose our family.

“Kadra,” Azariel calls out, sounding shy and I notice he’s no longer in my arms. I was so busy lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice him leaving my side. I look at where he’s wrapped in his father’s arms.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Umm, will you sign this?” He leaves Vitali’s side and comes to me holding a white paper. My heart lodges in my throat when I look into his eyes. Taking the papers, I open them and immediately freeze not knowing what to do first. Cry or laugh out loud with joy and happiness. Looking at Azariel he nods then at Vitali who smiles softly.

“You just made me the happiest woman on this earth, Azariel,” I barely got over the lump in my throat. “I’m glad you found me in the dark,” he says softly, and I sob.

In the dark… my darling boy. He’s no longer there and I’ll make it my life’s mission to keep him out of the dark. Grabbing both of his cheeks, I kiss his forehead and then the top of his nose before pulling back and staring into those gray eyes I love so much. “I love you, Azariel. Thank you for choosing me. My heart chose you too.” I whispered lovingly. Love threatens to bleed out of my heart. This beautiful love I have for this boy who painted my world in all colors making it a sweet and happy place.

He gives me a soft smile that reaches his eyes and pierces my heart and soul.

I might have not carried him in my belly and given him life but he sure gave me life. He loved me for me. He saw the real me and still chose me to be his legal mother.

Mother.

I’m going to be a mother not only to him but to the little human growing inside of me.

While I look into my boy’s sweet face, I make a silent vow to be the best mother to them. To always put them first and fight for them until my last breath.

I promise to be to them all I didn’t have.

A mother, a friend, and a protector.

I think about my mother and how she tried to be there for me but never could beat her own demons and get rid of her vices.

I loved my mother even when she didn’t love herself. She couldn’t. She was too broken. I get it now.

She didn’t have a Vitali to help her heal her wounds nor did she have a support system to back her up.

She was alone.

I could’ve ended up like her but I didn’t.

I chose to open up my heart as broken as it was and let love in.

And love gave me them.

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