Page 144 of Kadra: The Unfeeling

The two most important people in my life weren’t with me but they were the main reason why I never gave up.

Not even when my bones were aching and my soul was losing hope. I kept their memory close to my heart, giving me strength.

My purpose was always them.

My sisters and Adryel’s presence fades into the background as I think about the diagnosis I’ve been hoping for all this time.

This past year has been eye-opening. While battling stage three cancer I also managed to expel every demon from my soul that wouldn’t let me fly and soar. It wasn’t easy and most days the pain takes my breath away but I remind myself that I’m alive and that I survive and it gets me through the bad days.

I also learned a lot about myself. I was no longer the daughter Gabriele made from pain and hatred. Destruction is no longer my main motivation for waking up in the morning.

I am not my parents’ mistakes or their failures.

I am me.

Kadra Parisi and I am damn proud of who I am and of the road that led me here because yes it might’ve been a heartbreaking one but it led me to Vitali and hopefully, it’s not too late. Hopefully forever is not that far away.

“Oh, hey. This was dropped off for you at the apartment by Grimmy!” Mila’s excited voice breaks through my thoughts making me look her way. Grimmy. My lips twitch at Mila’s nickname for Vitali’s right-hand man. The same man that has delivered grotesque gifts, beautiful flowers, diamonds, and sweet notes every day for a year without failure.

Three hundred and sixty-five letters either from him or my Azariel letting me know how they are doing, what they are doing, and giving me words of encouragement. The first few letters I received from them made me bawl my eyes out and I almost caved wanting to run to them but I reminded myself that even though it was painful it was a decision I made for not only myself but for them as well.

They deserve me at my best and although I don’t doubt for a second that they would love me just the same on my bad days, I needed to heal my soul so I could be all I need. All they need.

I’ve always been in survival mode. Every day of my life and this past year, I had the chance to discover who I am. A chance I never got when I was Arianna’s and Mila’s protector.

The boss of a crime family.

During the past year, I discovered who I am and I am excited for the first time in my life for what the future holds for me.

All because of Vitali and Azariel.

He allowed me space but still managed to be present even if he couldn’t be here with me himself.

The gifts made me smile and gave me the push I needed on days when I felt like giving up.

Then one day, I still remember it like it was yesterday, the pain was excruciating from the treatment and my head was all messed up from the medication when I received a white box with an envelope stuck to it.

The box had a heart inside.

The letter was written in neat handwriting. Vitali’s.

He sent me countless letters before so I recognized it immediately.

You won the war, kotyonok.

The last face he saw before I ripped his heart from his body was yours. I hope you can breathe easy now knowing his heart is no longer beating.

PS. He cried like a little bitch.

PSS. I love you.

He added a photo of Logan Beauregard lying dead on the filthy ground. He got me what I’ve been craving for years, revenge and I’m not mad at him. Not at all.

On the contrary, I fell in love all over again because my man always had my back. He’s been fighting my battles even before he ended up in Detroit looking for his son.

That is why I made the choice to burn everything that was my father in Detroit and come here to New York to his city.

Realizing that Mila was holding out a box for me with one single rose, I take it from her and rise from the seat. “Thank you, Adryel,” I tell the man who fought alongside me and did his best to heal me then I turn towards Mila. Her beautiful blue eyes focus on my chin, unable to hold eye contact for long. Leaning forward, I kiss her forehead and stay there breathing her sweet scent for a second longer before pulling back and taking Arianna’s hand in mine, squeezing hers in reassurance.

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