Page 20 of Mila: The Godfather

“I know.” And I do. My sister would take care of whatever threat comes my way in an instant. She’s done it before. It should scare me the lengths my sister would go to keep me safe from the world outside, but it doesn’t.

The darkness inside of her does not scare me.

Darkness has never caused fear in me.

I’ve come to learn that, at times, the most beautiful things are hidden in the dark, and true evil sometimes shines in plain sight.

However, lately…I feel like I’m drowning.

This loneliness is suffocating me.

Before, I didn’t mind the quiet so much, but now… something has changed inside of me.

So many things are happening all at once, and it all started with my sister Arianna leaving Detroit. Nothing is as it was, and maybe… maybe she was right.

We should not fear the unknown.

Because how could the world be scarier than the horrors we faced at home? I don’t believe that.

I believe there’s good, there’s bad, and the world is not evil. I just wish she trusted that I could handle my own against it.

The three of us saw things and went through things no child should go through, but deep down, I know Kadra has seen and experienced far worse.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been so compliant and kept my head down because I know she’s trying to keep me away from the horrors that she went through.

Smiling up at my sister, I grab her gloved hand, interlacing our fingers, feeling my heart race when our eyes meet, and I notice her eyes soften for a rare second. “She’s getting married,” I blurt out. Every time I bring Arianna up, Kadra shuts me down or changes the subject. This time she surprises me by tightening her hand around mine.

“She is.” Her tone is cold and indifferent.

She acts as if she doesn’t care, but I know better. That is why I try again. “One day came for her.”

“It did.” She murmurs, looking away from me and towards the window, where the sun is shining brightly with no clouds in sight.

“Maybe it will come for us, too,” I whisper with my heart on my sleeve while I look at our joined hands. Looking people in the eye has always been difficult for me. When I was younger, I couldn’t look my father in the face while he was talking to me, which made him angry. So angry that he would hit me or worse. He would take it out on my sisters. To avoid his wrath, I forced myself to maintain eye contact with people for as long as I could, even studying and copying other people’s emotions and reactions just so I could fit in, but I never measured up.

He found me lacking, while others found me strange.

So they hid me away so I couldn’t embarrass them.

It stung.

It hurt my heart because I couldn’t understand why I was so unlovable. Until I realized I wasn’t the problem.

They were.

The ones who had no compassion or empathy.

They are the problem. Not me.

My sister, Arianna, taught me that.

Kadra’s loud sigh reminds me that I am not alone. Then I feel a gentle kiss on my forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright? Be good.”

I’m always good. I want to tell her, but instead, I nod once and tap her chest where her heart is three times. I used to do that to her when I was younger, and I was unable to communicate with my sisters. It was a way for me to tell her ’I love you’.

Come on, Kadra, give me something.

But she doesn’t. Instead, she steps back and moves slowly towards the door, grabs the knob, and opens it wide but before she leaves, she turns to me.

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