This man saw almost all of her flaws and he apparently still loved her in spite of them. In fact, he embraced them, incorporating his special ability to go toe to toe with her and get her to see his point of view, while he absorbed and worked at understanding hers. What a freaking treasure he was.
He probably would scoff at that, and it made her smile.
As she got ready for the day, she was prepared to get this show on the road and apprehend Alzate. But by the time she got downstairs to the command center, she was agitated, impatient and annoyed.
“How is it going? Do we have the okay from the Colombian government?” she asked Anna, who was standing near a tech going over some intel.
So engrossed with the information she’d received, Anna didn’t look up. “Not yet, but I expect?—”
“What the hell is the hold-up?” Leigh shouted, slamming her hand on the desk. “We’re going to lose Cristo to either assassination or flight! We need that authorization now!” Her frustration and anger came out of nowhere as if she had finally reached the end of her mental rope.
Everyone in the room stopped moving, working, or even breathing as a jarring silence stretched out between them. Leigh knew she was overreacting, but she couldn’t help herself. It was as if she was watching herself crash and burn and there was nothing she could do about it.
“Leigh,” Anna said softly, her attention now fully on her, concern darkening her eyes. “These things take time. We don’t want to overstep our bounds and create animosity. We need Colombia’s approval before we?—”
“I don’t care. We’re wasting time,” she said, thinking this case was going down the tubes and every single person who had been murdered at Alzate’s order wouldn’t get the justice they deserved. From a hard-working petty officer to her boss and the Organized Crime Drug Enforcement Task Force to a sweet old lady and her dog, to a Marine corporal. Everything went dead still for Leigh—the sounds, her hands, her heart—and it felt as if every drop of blood had drained from her head.
“Get Hazard,” Anna said, but it was like Leigh was hearing all this through water. It was muffled and indistinct. She was too preoccupied with her internal turmoil.
Oh, God. What was his name? What was it? She had to remember! She had to!
“I know you’re upset,” Anna said, moving toward her, but Leigh didn’t want to be cajoled or touched or calmed. “I can offer my assurance?—”
“No, you don’t understand,” Leigh shouted. She didn’t want assurances. She just wanted to remember his name! Her breathing, so labored she could hardly get the words out, Leigh pressed her hand against her chest. Feeling trapped and frantic, Leigh turned toward Anna. She backed up, noting the pain and compassion in Anna’s eyes, feeling that she didn’t deserve it. She was a fake, a phony. She had been hiding for years. Years. Her back hit the wall.
Her breathing increased as Leigh braced both hands on her thighs and bent over, fighting for every breath, her face wet with perspiration and tears. Through the ringing in her ears, a vague sound of a man’s voice intruded in her mind, indistinct and tinny, echoing in deep tones. I’ll keep her safe. Like a strobe, a series of images flashed across her brain, the corporal’s face close up in death, then in life, then in death again. It played like an excruciating reel. Bullets thundered in her already ringing ears, as the explosion happened over and over again and he was there, protecting her with his life. Every time.
Her adrenaline spiked, and she felt sick. Leigh closed her eyes and sagged against the wall, a sob twisting loose.
Anna’s expression sharpened with alarm. “Calm down, Leigh. You’re having a panic attack. I know it’s frustrating and difficult to wait. But everything is all right. We’ll get the information we need.”
Struggling to control the awful shakiness in her legs, Leigh clenched her hands and swallowed hard. She felt so all alone and hollow. “No, that’s not it.” She closed her eyes and slid down the wall, her chest so tight, she could barely breathe. Fighting to control the panicky feeling that gripped her as the inescapable reality hit home.
She couldn’t remember, and there was nothing that she could do except ask for help.
“What’s going on here?” a deep voice asked, shouldering his way through not only Hazard’s teammates but through the techs who all just wanted to help her. She was so damned embarrassed by her meltdown, but it had been necessary. She needed to hit rock bottom before she could claw her way up to that tantalizing light in the distance.
The man crouched down in front of her, and her eyes blinked open. It was the new commander, Hollywood. It was an appropriate call name. The man was that handsome. He could have been a movie star.
“Leigh, is it?” he asked.
She nodded, unable to speak right now.
“What is happening to you? Tell me.”
She didn’t want to tell him. She wanted Hazard. “Please, where is Archer,” she whispered.
“He’s on his way.”
That sounded like Skull, the concern in his voice made her feel lighter.
“Okay, then Leigh. Breathe with me. In and out. Slowly.”
She evened out her breaths, matching his as he soothed her.
Suddenly someone was making the crowd shift, and he was there. “Leigh, I’m here.” His tone was soft and reassuring. “What’s going on?”
“I can’t remember his name.” She clutched at his shirt, her throat aching. “I keep trying to remember, but I can’t.” She exhaled a hard breath, her guilt peaking, and she finally surrendered everything to him. “I feel so awful that he died for me, and I can’t remember. Please, help me. What is his name?”