Page 40 of The Romance Library

From: [email protected]

Date: Saturday 3rd May, 14.21

Subject: Communication

Dear Mr Know It All,

Go on, then. Tell me.

I can tell showing how smart you are turns you on, so I’ll give you another opportunity to peacock your knowledge.

Call it my good deed for the day.

Yours sincerely,

Ms Johnson

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Date: Saturday 3rd May, 14.26

Subject: Communication

Dear Ms Johnson,

So you think I’m smart? Thanks for the compliment!

There are many things that turn me on, and I can assure you that talking about the size of a cricket’s bollocks isn’t one of them.

Seeing as you asked, the female tuberous bush cricket mates with up to twenty-three different males in her two-month adult life. Could be because having big balls helps them to outperform their rivals or gives them the capacity to spread their seed to more females. Can’t remember the exact reason.

Maybe they should change that famous saying to ‘fucking like crickets’ instead of rabbits!

Yours sincerely,

Theo Smarty Pants

As Jessica read my email, she laughed. A warm sensation filled my chest. I couldn’t remember ever hearing her laugh around me, and I liked the fact that I’d brought that smile to her face.

For a second I’d worried about including the sentence about the things that turned me on, but I knew she would never be interested in what did, so I reasoned that it was fine.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Date: Saturday 3rd May, 14.32

Subject: Communication

Dear Mr Smarty Pants,

Thanks for sharing your knowledge of crickets.

Interesting to know that the humble little tuberous bush cricket trumps the right whale in the battle of the testicles.

Just goes to show that size doesn’t always matter.

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