Page 90 of Again, In Autumn

Maggie and Diego remain quiet, but no one saves me from this pressure.

Francesca says, “You still think about it?”

“Sure. It was short, but it was real.”

“Aw,” Francesca sighs. “She broke your heart?”

Adam’s leg moves further into my skin. “Yeah. Yeah, she did.”

“Where is she now?”

I swallow.

“She’s off being the best version of herself she can be.” I hear the smile in his tone. “I can’t fault her for that. It wasn’t the right time for us.”

The fire cackles. Francesca asks, “Vienna? Are you okay?”

I raise my head.

She cocks her back with disgust. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”

I stammer, “I think I just – I ate too much – I just ate too fast.” I use Adam’s knee to help me stand, unconcerned with anyone noticing the touch. “I’m going get some water.” I offer a half smile.

The conversation continues as I enter the kitchen, but I’m not far enough away. I continue down the hallway, my stomach clenching involuntarily, into the powder room where the door locks behind me. Flipping on the light, I assess my pale face, glossy eyes, and nervous shake.

He just told the truth, it’s a part of the game, and he has nothing to hide from his family. They know our secret. If I dared to admit that I experienced the kind of love that would lead to an engagement, my people would riot.

Francesca would be angry I didn’t tell her. David would demand names and either find this guy to murder him or organize a meet cute. Kate might put two secret engagements together and equal them for my Thanksgiving nightmare on a platter. She’s one of the sharper minds here.

I can’t stop the barrage of images flooding my brain and tears prickle my eyes.

Stop, I beg my body. I don’t want to do this, to be this girl, to feel this way. I just want it to stop. I want to go back to last week’s wistful sadness, to a memory free of sensory overload. I don’t want to remember how loved I felt with Adam while he’s in the same room. I don’t want to relive how sad I felt leaving him when he’s still beside me.

The things I did. Things I don’t have anymore. Things I can’t want.

There’s a knock on the door. “Vienna?” Caroline calls out. “You’ve been in there a while, you okay?”

I sniffle and wipe my face. Sitting on the closed toilet, I respond, “Fine.” It doesn’t sound convincing. “I’m feeling better.”

“Okay. Well, we have one more game.”

Sweet Jesus.

I hang my head. “Great. Be out in a minute.” I collect myself as noises in the kitchen pull me back to the group.

“What’s going on?” I ask, watching Diego and Maggie gather the uneaten food they brought and sneak outside.

Diego hoists the crockpot in his arms and assesses my clothes. “Can you get that outfit dirty?”

I cock my head and prepare to question them further when Alice comes into the room giggling and wearing a purple plastic poncho. Francesca follows, barefoot with her raincoat zipped to her chin.

“Is it raining?” I wonder.

Grayson jumps into the kitchen yelling, “It’s cloudy with a chance of meatballs!”

Chapter Twenty-Six

Everyone laughs and heads outside without explanation. In the living room, Kate sits alone in the chair by the fire, staring at her phone.

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