Page 42 of Lost in the Current of You

She frowned, narrowing her eyes as she assessed me, and I knew she could immediately tell. Especially with the patchy job I tried to do with my lipstick. She met my eyes and softened. “You okay?”

I smiled, but I could tell she didn’t believe it. I couldn’t find it in me to make it more believable. Even though I knew and agreed to keep quiet, it didn’t mean I had to pretend I was okay, either.

It sucked because he was right. We were complicated and really, I didn’t want to hurt Liam more than I already had.

God, I had made a mess of things, and now, I had made it even more so. I wished I could have gone back in time and changed it all, but I knew I couldn’t. I would have done a lot of things differently if I could.

“Yeah. I will be,” I said, then eyed the box on the counter. “Let’s have some cake.”

Avery’s eyes brightened as she smiled widely before flipping the lid open. It was two-tiered with a pink watercolour design and ‘Happy Birthday Dakota’ scrawled on top.

Alex appeared through the crowd with candles shaped like the number one and eight, sticking them in the cake and lighting them.

My eyes flicked back to Avery, and I wrapped my arms around her. “It’s perfect. Absolutely beautiful.”

“I’m glad you like it. Now shut up and let us sing you happy birthday.”

I laughed as Alex started singing and got everyone to join. I looked at all the friends who gathered, listening as they wished me a happy birthday. My eyes landed on my brother briefly as he leaned against the wall. He smiled as he sang, and then tapped his chest above his heart, our nonverbal sign for love. I reciprocated, tapping my chest above my heart and smiling.

Then my eyes shifted behind him, to Reece joining in the celebrations. His eyes found mine, and my lips faltered a little, but I kept it in place as best as I could with everyone staring at me. I don’t think anyone noticed, but I knew Reece did. His brows furrowed and his eyes filled with guilt and regret. It was easy to spot, seeing as I’d seen it in his eyes before, directed to me for a different reason. I wondered if it would be a recurring thing with him.

I didn’t want to think about it but it stuck to the back of my mind. And I hoped the beginning whispers from that far away voice in my mind, begging me to steer clear, was wrong.

That he wasn’t a bad decision, heading straight towards a collision course of the most destructive heartbreaks.

16

I think I was losing my mind.

All that had been on my mind for the preceding week was the moment in the bathroom with Reece. The amount of times I had imagined kissing Reece could not even compare to actually kissing him. His kiss consumed me. His touch branded my skin like hot liquor.

It was quickly tainted by the fact it could never be anything more. I couldn’t tell anyone what was on my mind when I stared off into space as that memory took over. Avery and Alex had caught me multiple times and asked me what was on my mind, but when I’d go to say something, I couldn’t get it past my lips.

Reece had been right to want to keep it a secret, given the history surrounding us. I just wanted to be able to talk to someone about it, though. To sort through the mess of my thoughts and feelings. It would have been so lovely to talk to my friends about it, but something stopped me from doing so. I was confused with so many emotions that I didn’t even know how to sort through them, let alone talk about them. It was so hard to explain everything between Reece and me. Right from the start, we were a complicated mess before we could even realise it.

What happened in that short space of time was such a whiplash of emotions. From the highest high to the lowest low. From frustration to passion and lust to anger and hurt.

He was a confusing puzzle, one I wish I had the ability to solve. But I didn’t have the energy to even touch that puzzle after this. His words still cut through me like a knife. The way he sweet-talked me before immediately flipping it around to a one-time thing. He was a weakness that I always caved to as soon as he said the right words.

One significant question bounced around my mind that week. He said afterward that, given the circumstances, it shouldn’t happen again, but did he regret it?

Because I didn’t. I didn’t regret the feeling of his mouth against me and the way he held me. The way he touched me. The way he shattered me.

“Hey, earth to Dakota,” Alex snapped his fingers in front of my face, breaking my daydream.

They didn’t know, and I felt guilty every time I looked at them. We told each other everything, but I felt my tongue tie every time I tried to.

“What’s going on with you? You’ve been acting strange all week,” Avery asked.

“Yeah, no. I’m fine.” I smiled, lying through my teeth as if they wouldn’t be able to tell.

“No, you’re not. That’s twice you’ve zoned out during this movie, and it’s your favourite.”

The movie in question was 10 Things I Hate About You and she was right. I have watched that movie at least a thousand times and never once had I not had my eyes glued to the TV like it was the first time I was watching it.

I pressed my lips together and shrugged. “I don’t know. Just have a lot on my mind.”

Alex paused the movie and then turned towards me. “Okay, then lay it out and get it off your chest. Stop keeping it all in.”

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