Page 43 of Lost in the Current of You

It was all at the tip of my tongue as their eyes pierced into the side of my head, waiting. It was hard keeping a secret from them with their prying gazes and never-wavering presence in my life. But how would I say it? Hey, I hooked up with my ex’s best friend in the bathroom on my birthday while my brother, who also happens to be friends with him, was ten feet away in the other room. Just thinking that had me realising how fucked up the situation was even more.

There was only one person I could talk to about it, I just needed to work up the courage to approach him. Like the days before, the words I needed and wanted to say caught in my throat. Though somehow, a lie was easier to push through my lips

“It’s just my mother and the pressure she puts on me.”

Alex sat up straighter. “Did she call again? She always has the worst timing just when you’re having fun.”

“Yeah, I know. But no, not this time. I’ve just been thinking that with the new year coming around, everyone’s off to university or starting their careers and moving forward, while I just feel stuck. It’s like I can feel my mother breathing down my neck, trying to nudge me towards following her perfectly paved path, and I don’t want it. Her expectations keep following me around like this dark cloud, even when she’s not physically with me.”

Alex groaned. “God, I hate her so much. How is she allowed to be a Mum? She needs to give you a break, honestly.”

Avery side-eyed him before continuing. “I think what he’s trying to say is that sometimes it takes a while to figure these things out. A career is a lifelong thing, and you at least want to enjoy whatever it is you choose to pursue, because if you don’t, you’ll find that your life didn’t have any meaning when you look back at it. So don’t rush it or make someone push you into something you don’t want to do. It’s your life, not anyone else’s. Especially not hers. You don’t want to be old and spiteful and regretting life.”

My eyes watered a little. “It’s easier said than done.”

Alex sassed back. “Yeah, well, you’re mum’s an asshole.”

I laughed before wrapping him and Avery into a hug. “I love you guys.”

“We love you too. We will never leave you behind, I hope you know that. Like we would ever go far away without you,” Alex said as he squeezed me tighter before letting us go. “Now, let's continue watching the movie. No more thinking from you.” He pointed the TV remote at me before pressing play on the remote.

A bittersweet smile spread across my face before I focused back on the movie. I loved their support and the way they reassured me to follow my own path without anyone else's input. If Avery and Alex weren’t with me, I would have spiralled down my thoughts. I was eternally grateful for their presence then.

But still, the guilt gnawed at me.

The next day, Nate came in early and asked if I wanted to go watch the baseball game. I knew this would be my chance to talk to Reece and maybe clear the air between us. To reinforce the boundary between us.

“You might need a ride back though if you do want to go. Some of us are headed to the bar afterward, but I don’t want you to be left stranded,” Nate mentioned as he leaned against the doorway of my room, watching me grab my things and put my shoes on.

“Yeah, I’ll just call Alex or Avery if they’re not busy.”

“And if they are?”

I shrugged and said absentmindedly, “Well, then, I’ll just Uber home.”

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Dakota.”

My face softened when I realised before trying to reassure him. “It’s fine, Nate. I’ll be safe. I’ve done it before.”

He reeled back in shock. “What do you mean, you’ve done it before? You know how dangerous it is around here. You can never trust those strangers.”

Nate wasn’t the most trusting of Uber drivers, for good reason. He hasn’t had the best experiences with them with his friends. He’s never told me what happened, but he always got this haunted look in his eyes when it was mentioned. Like he was at the moment. He never allowed anyone close to him to take either Ubers or taxis alone. It was either as a group or one of his friends was voted to be sober for the night.

I could see the panic start to set in his eyes, and I rushed to him and grabbed his arms. “Okay. It’s okay. I won’t take an Uber. I’m sure Avery or Alex is free to pick me up.”

He nodded his head as he calmed himself down, taking in a couple of deep breaths. “Sure. If not, let me know, and I can get someone to drop you off at home, or I’ll even do it before I take the guys to the bar.”

I nodded back. “Yeah, okay. That works.”

I felt bad for making him panic, but I didn’t want him to drive me back home when he wanted to go out with his friends. When I brought it up, though, I had forgotten all about his dislike of taxis and Ubers. I’d just gotten used to taking one to Mum’s for the weekend this past year because I refuse to drive in the city.

As we made our way out of the house towards his car, I nudged his arm with my elbow. “Hey, I’m sorry for worrying you. I forgot about… the whole thing. I don’t want you to go out of your way just to drop me off and then go out again.”

We both climbed into the car before he started it and drove toward the field. “It’s fine. Just don’t go in them alone anymore, okay? Promise me that?”

I smiled. “Promise.” I turned to look at him. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened?”

He shifted a little while I could see his whole body stiffened at the topic of question, but his eyes never wavered from the road. “Um..” he started and cleared his own throat. “Maybe one day. But it’s still not easy for me to think about, let alone talk about so can we drop it?”

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