Page 93 of Lost in the Current of You

I hadn’t answered their concerned texts all week. On day two, when I had, on more than one occasion, tried to call or text Reece, I turned my phone off. It had become harder and harder to resist, so I turned it off and locked it in my drawer.

I’d checked it once a few days later and an overwhelming amount of messages flooded through, but all I cared about was that none of them were from Reece.

“Dakota,” Avery breathed out in pity before sitting on the side of my bed, brushing my hair from my face. “What the hell is going on with you? What happened?”

Alex wheeled my desk chair next to the bed and reached for my hand. “Forget that for a moment. Are you okay?”

My eyes flicked between them as I swallowed. I didn’t know how to answer that question. I didn’t know the answer to anything. I felt more lost than I was at the beginning of the summer, but now, instead of being lost on my path after high school, I was lost in the rush of all that was him. I was lost in the feeling of him. I was lost in the current of him.

“I’m fine,” I tried to say in an even voice, but my voice cracked at the end and a lone tear trailed down the side of my face.

They surrounded me in seconds, wrapping me in their arms as more tears fell from my eyes, no matter how hard I tried to stop them.

They held me through the tears, and I tried to block out all the memories that flooded through of Reece and me to focus on the comfort of their embrace, but as usual, it didn’t worked.

“You can tell us, you know. We’re here for you and always will be. If we need to beat anyone up, we will,” Alex said, squeezing me tighter as a laugh burst out of me.

It felt good to have them there with me. I’d missed them. I had been so consumed with Reece that I had hardly seen or talked to them in a month. Next to Dad and Nate, they were the most important people in my life, and I had completely disregarded them in favour of being with Reece. I had been the worst friend to them in favour of a boy who broke my heart. Who I knew would break my heart. And no amount of apologies would make up for that.

And so I told them everything, from the day Reece and I met, to last week when he said the cruellest goodbye. Telling me we couldn’t be anything because he was leaving and he wanted to leave me in the past and then kissing me with so much emotion that it broke me.

With every word I spoke of the moments with him, I knew that it would stain my soul. That he would linger in the shadows of my heart and in every place that I went. It made my skin itch. It made me want to run away. I wanted so badly to leave this area and never come back because he was so deeply ingrained in all my favourite places. The river, the baseball field, the beach, my goddamn bed.

But I had nowhere to go. I was stuck in this place, more lost than I ever felt, watching everyone leave around me. And I felt a part of myself die.

I hated him for that.

38

The following few days were much the same. Binge watching TV shows and mountains of tissues piling next to me. However, I did make it out of my room for meals thanks to the convincing of my friends. They had come over every day to make sure I got out of bed, had a shower, and came downstairs to eat.

The first day, Dad had given me the widest smile before wrapping me in the comfort of his arms. It felt so nice that I started crying again and he squeezed me tighter.

“I love you, chook. I hate seeing you like this,” he whispered into my hair, and I cried harder. “Just know that you won’t always feel like this. I’ve got you until you do.”

I tucked my face into his chest and squeezed my eyes shut, my heart squeezing with his words.

“I love you, too, Dad. Thank you.”

He made my favourite meal that night and tried his hardest to get me smiling and laughing, and it worked. I didn’t think of him that whole evening, surrounded by my friends and my dad.

But as soon as I was back in my room, it all crashed back down on me.

I was grateful for that little bit of relief they gave me, but as soon as I was alone, I couldn’t escape the memories.

Those days were on repeat. I would be in bed, staring at the ceiling, absorbed in my memories and overthinking before my friends appeared at my door around noon and pulled me out of my room.

Because of that, midday had become my favourite time. I could smile and laugh until we’d have dinner with Dad. But then, I’d be back in my room, and memories of us laying on my bed, trailing fingers over skin, staring into those forest green eyes would flood my vision, and my chest would ache all over again.

I hated relying so much on them for my happiness. I hated relying on them to pull me out of the darkness.

It had almost been two weeks, and he was still all I thought about. My heart still ached because of him. I felt pathetic and so done crying over him.

My phone pinged from under my pillow one night. Sleep had been evading me so I was thankful for the moment of distraction. I slowly snuck my hand underneath to grab it, the remnants of my exhaustion still fogging my mind.

I opened the email with blurry vision before I wiped my eyes and read. The bold letters immediately caught my attention and it snapped me straight up to sit in bed.

I’d forgotten I had sent the application in. It was kind of a random chance that I sent in just to see what happened. A random afternoon I had been researching photography careers and stumbled upon this college.

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