Page 35 of Claiming Charlotte

My mind started drifting within the quietness, and I started to feel unsafe as the silence surrounded me. I squeezed my eyes shut against the memories threatening to surface, hoping it would stop them in their tracks. Nausea overcame me, and I swallowed against the urge to throw up. I only want to feel Roe’s touch and remember the way he makes me feel….

As I changed the track of my thoughts, the urge to vomit subsided and vivid memories of Rowan and me in bed came to my mind. The way he always looked into my eyes silently asking for consent even when I had already given it. He took care of my needs during, and after, he knows my body like a roadmap; kissing, caressing, and loving all the right places. I want him, he won’t hurt me, and I'm ready.

My pulse raced and the horrible thoughts threatened to derail me again.

“Rowan,” I whispered.

I heard him close the book in his hands and set it down on the nightstand. The bed vibrated gently as he repositioned himself, propping his elbow on the pillow beside me and brushing a strand of hair out of my face. I rolled over to face him. Here goes nothing.

“I need you,” I whispered, running a hand down his arm and over his torso.

He grabbed my wrist as I reached for his waistband and closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head no, and remained silent.

“Please, Rowan. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to feel them. All I want to feel is you,” I choked, trying not to cry.

I wasn’t ready for the rejection, and I fought the urge to run away. Stick with it, maybe he’s not ready…. His jaw clenched and he dropped his forehead to mine. Sighing, he shook his head.

“Please take it away…” I tried. His head rose rapidly, and he stared at me intensely, taking my breath away.

The pain and hurt that swam in the depths of his eyes was heart-wrenching, and it confirmed my thoughts.

“I’m not ready,” he mumbled. “What if I hurt you?”

I could see the genuine fear in his eyes, but there was something else, a glimmer right in the corner of his brown irises, that was where I needed to be. That was where his want for me paraded. Admiring his thoughts I was thankful, but that was not what I needed right now.

Letting my hand travel down to my thigh, I rubbed the pads of my fingers over the W that was engraved into my skin. “I don’t feel like I’m yours anymore,” I choked. “They branded me as their own, and it’s the worst feeling.”

He tugged my hand away from my scar and placed it firmly on his shoulder, allowing me to feel the raised edges of his own brand. I ran my fingers along it before moving it around to the back of his neck and tugged him downward.

“They don’t own anything Lottie. Do you understand me?” he whispered over me. “You are mine.”

My lip quivered, jutting out into a pout as he leaned down, capturing my lips in his. At that moment all of our worries became meaningless, and I remembered why I fell in love with him. I smiled gently against the feel of his tongue tracing my lips before tangling with my own. The stitches he’d had had been gone for a while, but his tongue felt rough and coarse as it found its way through my lips massaging against mine.

The taste of him invaded me and I melted into him.

“More,” I whispered against his lips.

Rowan’s hands began wandering over my curves, and I arched my back as his thumb brushed under my breast, teasing me before his hand swung around to my back.? For what seemed like an eternity, we slowly stripped each other of our clothes until our naked bodies pressed together.

Everywhere his hands touched was freed from the abusive hands of my captors, and I yearned for him more than I ever thought possible. He was being so gentle, almost too gentle, and even though his touch was heavenly, I wanted my Rowan back. The Rowan who showed no mercy in the bedroom. I had the feeling that he was treating me like porcelain, and I hated it.

It only reminded me that there was a reason he should be reserved, and I needed that reason to disappear. He sucked my nipple into his mouth and twirled his tongue around it and I tried to focus on his touch again, but the anxiety running rampant in my thoughts kept coming back, and it was making me angry.

I was struggling to keep my head above water and enjoy the intimacy, but unwanted tears leapt to my eyes. Roe’s face swam into my line of sight as his hand gently cupped my face.

“I- I can’t…” I breathed.

Rowan

My eyebrows knit together as I watched her eyes slowly shift back to mine, brushing a tear from her cheek.

“Come back to me,” I whispered as I held her gaze.

I needed her to be okay. I couldn’t lose her, not now, not ever. I had only said no at first because I didn’t want to be the cause of the pain I was witnessing at this moment, and my guilt came crashing down on me. Her eyes soon refocused, and she let her hand rest against my cheek.

“Please keep talking to me,” she whispered, and those words gave me hope.

“Should we stop?” I asked, all too willing to do anything she wanted me to.

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