Page 34 of Claiming Charlotte

“Motherfucker,” I heard him mumble from the bathroom, so I decided to investigate.

I pushed the door open and giggled seeing him, shaving cream half, on his face and half in the sink.

“You're a mess, do you need help?”

“It’s just really hard to use my right hand,” he said with irritation.

Spreading the shaving cream over the stubble on his chin, I ran the razor under the water and brought it to his face. He stared intensely at me as I worked against the grain, he always liked a closer shave.

“You know,” I mumbled, tapping the razor against the sink before resuming. “You could always grow it out, I like the rugged look. Plus we’re getting older, you don’t need to look perfect.”

He grabbed my hand lightly and his breath fanned over my face. “You did not just call me old, Princess.”

“Do you want to do this yourself?” I retorted. With a smirk. He let my hand go and I finished up, using the towel to wipe the remaining white foam from his face.

He ran his finger gently over my bottom lip and I let him, releasing a breath as his mouth took mine softly. “You’ll have to tell me how it feels against your lips.”

Smiling devilishly, I backed out of the bathroom and headed toward the bed with Rowan in tow. Peeling the blanket back, we climbed in bed, and I pressed myself into him. “I love you, Roe.”

The fatigue I’d felt while on the way here had never fully left me, it had only lingered over my shoulder. As I warmed up underneath the blanket with Roe by my side, my sleepiness returned, and my eyelids felt heavy. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I’d fall asleep.

Cherishing the moment, I reached up and gave him a peck on the cheek running my thumb along the healed scar lovingly.

“Thank you,” I said, my eyes already closed. I didn’t have to say it, he knew what I meant.

As I drifted off to sleep, the sound of his chuckle hurried me along, and I was soon drifting off.

16

The sound of birds chirping pulled me gently back to the real world, and my eyes fluttered open. I hadn’t noticed it the night before, but the wall wasn't a wall at all, it was a beautiful window. It couldn't open, but it allowed me to enjoy nature’s view. I could see through the sheer white curtains into the backyard.

Rowan must have hung a bird feeder just outside the window, and I could see birds of every color pecking at the little seeds as they fell from the swinging feeder. A flash of red caught my eye, and I bolted upright to see better. Sure enough, a cardinal landed safely on the feeder. But he paid no heed to the food in front of him.

Instead, he seemed to peer straight through the window and into my eyes.

“Dad,” I whispered. The cardinal chirped, stole a crumb from a smaller bird next to him, and took flight once more.

Clambering out of bed, I rushed to the window to try and see the bird again, and my action stirred Roe.

“Is everything okay?” he asked groggily, sitting up.

I turned from the window with a longing etched across my face, I wanted the small bird to come back. “Yes, I just saw a cardinal, that’s all.”

Cardinals had significance to the Bennett family, and I had no doubts that my dad was looking after me; it was the first time I’d seen one in years. I had no idea why dad used a cardinal in the family seal, but that was just another significance it held for me. He never told me, but I still smiled.

A warm feeling spread through me. Dad’s looking over me. What would he think? ?I knew exactly what he would think. He would scold me for being so weak and vulnerable. Then he’d remind me that the enemy looks for weaknesses. I had to be strong and keep my head up.

I remembered that last meeting Roe and I had with him and blushed at the thought of my father giving his blessing to us. And I was taking that all for granted. I looked at Roe as he stared at me. Chucking to myself at how messy his hair was, it brought me back to the night before. It was another part of his body that was always clean cut and parted, but right now it sat in a messy wisp at the top of his head, hanging slightly off the side of his face.

There was a twinge in his upper lip, tugging the rest of his face into a smile and I knew I was ready, but?worried that he wasn’t attracted to me like he was before. I’d spent the last however-many weeks pushing him away from me. My hands were clammy just thinking about bringing it up. I didn’t know if I could handle that kind of rejection.

I walked into the bathroom to relieve myself. As I washed my hands, I stared at myself in the mirror. I had turned into an empty shell of a woman. I was thin, almost gaunt-looking, and my hair was stringy and oily.

This isn’t me. I was clearly damaged, and now that Roe knew how I truly felt about what happened to me, how could I be sure he still wanted me? For all I knew, he was only doing all the romantic stuff to ensure he kept his job, or maybe out of guilt for what happened. Exhaustion overtook me; not physical exhaustion, but the kind that overtakes a person who was trying too hard to achieve something.

It was just out of reach, and I fought the urge to give up. Another thought briefly crossed my mind, that I was doing this to myself. It makes sense, if I remain undesirable, nobody can hurt me again. But how long can I do this to myself? To him? I resolved to try and that started with a shower and brushing the knots that collected in my once healthy hair.

Once finished, I left the bathroom and crawled back under the covers. Rowan was reading a book, and I lay on my side, trying not to disturb him. I could still feel everything that those men did to me, and it made my skin crawl, but I took a small step today, and now, I think I'm ready to take a larger one.

---