Page 25 of Whispers of Fire

“Impressive, Parker, never took you for a whore, but damn, you really put it all out for him,” says Adam, clapping his hands at me. Never liked him, sucker for popularity when the truth is, real popular students don’t need to try this hard. Kind of felt sorry for him until he became the head of the football team and became the most arrogant person I’ve ever met.

I look at him from head to toe with a disgusted face, telling him that one, I’m not impressed by him, and two, he can keep his judgmental comments to himself. Ignoring Adam's taunts, I focus on retrieving my books from my locker, trying to block out the whispers and stares that follow me like a shadow. But his words linger in the air, poisoning the atmosphere around me.

A whore.

I hate the implication of what he just said, because if anything, I've always followed the rules.

And still you’re trapped in this position, Rose.

"Rose?" Turning, I see Jezebel and Greta approaching, making me feel better already at the sight of my friends. Jezebel, with her fiery red hair and joyful energy, steps forward first, her eyes scanning my face for any sign of distress.

"Are you okay?" she asks, her voice laced with genuine concern. Jezebel's fiery spirit ignites as she steps up to Adam. Of course she feels something’s off. It’s not in Adam’s habit to come talk to me.

"You have no right to speak to her like that," she declares, her words cutting through the tension like a knife.

Greta, who’s always been the voice of reason between the two of them, follows closely behind. “We’ve got you.” she says, looking at me with her warm chestnut eyes.

Unable to speak, I nod gratefully, swallowing the tears in my eyes at the sight of my friends. Greta's gentle strength shines as she joins Jezebel.

“Real men don’t need to bully others to feel important, Adam,” she admonishes, her voice calm but firm.

Adam shakes his head, “Whatever,” and walks away.

“Okay, we need to talk,” says Jezebel before taking my elbow and rushing me to the girls’ bathroom where Greta checks every door to make sure we’re alone.

“So… you don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to but…” Jezebel starts, walking on eggshells. I stop her right away and start to sign.

“It’s a mess, girls, the Shepherd decided to take me as his bride, but… It’s stupid but something’s wrong, and, well, I don’t know how to say this, but honestly, I’m terrified,” I sign in a rush, struggling to find the right way to say things. Greta and Jezebel are firm believers like I am.

Like I used to be.

But they’ve always been my friends since I met Greta at daycare and Jezebel in sixth grade.

I need to talk with them otherwise, I'll implode.

I sigh. “It’s just, so much is happening right now and I don’t know how to process it.”

“Rose, breathe, it’s gonna be okay. The Shepherd knows what’s best for all of us. He’s the one in direct contact with the Divine; you must trust him,” Jezebel says, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. But her words don’t reach my heart.

No, please, that’s not what I need you to say.

“It’s strange but I, I feel trapped,” I sign, carrying the weight of what I just said on my shoulders. They could tell on me if they wanted, they could drag me into the mug and dance on my dead body, but I take the risk.

They exchange a worried look.

“Perhaps it’s because that’s such a big step in your life, Rose, anyone would feel shaken after getting engaged, especially to our Leader,” Greta signs. I’m grateful for them learning sign language after my accident. Apart from my mom, they’re the only ones who took the time to learn it.

But what she says doesn’t calm me at all; it’s quite the opposite.

As much as I need their support, I don’t feel it right now.

“And the wedding… It’s gonna be in two months and I’m afraid I won’t survive it like Savannah last year,” I say, fighting my tears to stay inside me.

"You’ve trained yourself for apnea like us. You really shouldn’t worry!” Jezebel signs, her voice trying to wipe my worries with her kind words.

"Savannah had never been good in the water but you are! It will be okay," Greta nods in agreement.

I don’t know what to do anymore, but I’m stuck in front of my friends and they don’t seem to understand my struggle. It’s not really this idea of being drowned for three minutes in front of the community that scares me the most.

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