Page 13 of Never Too Late

And in turn, knowing that he felt calm, helps me feel the same.

He became everything I knew I wanted, without even knowing. The only way I can describe how I felt when Dax came into my life is to imagine how it would feel being on the tallest roller coaster, at the top of a drop. That moment when you're unaware of what will happen next. The fear and the excitement all combined together in one. That’s how I felt when I met him.

And without being aware of what was happening, Dax became my lifeline.

Romantic relationships had never been important to me in the past. The idea I could be asexual crossed my mind a number of times, because I didn’t have any attraction to anyone sexually. People had tried to engage with me and wanted to get to know me, but I soon realised I was making up every excuse humanly possible to stop allowing people to get close. The plus side about being in the army meant I didn’t have the extra time to dedicate myself to a relationship. I would never be able to give someone my all and what they truly deserved. However, that all changed with Dax. For the first time in my life, I knew I was fully prepared to do everything in my power to allow someone to have the time and dedication required of me.

I was more than willing to ensure he had me in every way possible, and that whatever we had between us, could grow into a relationship. No matter how busy or tired I became from training and working out, I’d make sure he knew exactly how important he and our relationship was to me. People tend to say fate works in mysterious ways, and this was definitely one of them.

After the time we spent together, being called away on tour was the last thing we needed. He understood it was my job, and no matter how much I wanted to stay with him and never leave, I couldn’t.

Or so I thought.

We spent as much time as possible together soon after we met. It took me by surprise as I had never been this way before with anyone else, but for some unknown reason, our personalities gravitated towards one another more than they had done in the past, and I think that’s when I realised what I had with Dax was different to anything I’d had before.

And that's when I noticed just how effortlessly I was falling in love with Dax Whitmore.

The morning before my departure was one of the hardest I’ve ever had to live through.

The photographic memory of his face is still seared into my mind.

His beautiful ocean blues, filling with tears, longing for me not to go. I could see the pleading coming from him without him speaking a word.

It’s funny how much you learn about a person after spending every moment of your spare time with them. You start to learn their routine, how they take their tea, what their favourite TV shows are, how they sleep, and how their hand fits inside of yours.

I knew it took all of Dax’s strength for him not to fall to the floor and beg for me not to go.

Because his feelings mirrored my own.

I would have done anything to stay.

After pulling on my boots and the first jumper I can find, I decide it’s time for me to stop moping around the house and venture outside for some fresh air. It’s time to take the walk I’d been thinking of. I silently thank the universe that I’m here and proud of myself, for proving I could do this.

I can be Jae.

Chapter seven

Jae

“I miss you. I wish you could come home.”

Walking along the backroads, I chide myself for not having a car and make a mental note to add buying one to the top of my to-do list. No matter how much training I’ve done in the army, I refuse to walk up another hill. I’m pushing myself too much, causing flares of pain in my side when I should be resting.

With it being summer now, there’s a large number of tourists in the area, meaning the high street is full of friendly faces and cheery laughs, which in turn, fills me with much more confidence. Reassuring me that moving here was the right choice for me to make.

Walking to the end of the street, from the corner of my eye, I notice a coffee shop with a large worn-out sign over the awning reading, Cee’s coffee shop. It’s a traditional building where large wooden doors and pine windows create a welcoming atmosphere. Before stepping foot over the frame, the fragrant smell of coffee beans fills my senses, inviting me inside.

As I walk further into the shop, I am instantly met with that warm atmosphere. Conversations between the village locals fill the tables, creating a homely setting, combining comfort and safety together, which feels inviting for anyone who walks through the door.

Taking slow steps towards the register, looking around the interior as I do, an older man behind the counter notices me and walks over to greet me with a warm, friendly smile on his face.

“Hey there, son, what can I get you?” he asks cheerfully.

“Hi, just an Americano please.”

“Coming right up. My tables are all taken right now, but why don’t you sit by that window over there.” He points behind me, and I turn my head in the same direction. I notice a girl sitting where he told me to sit, and I turn back to him confused. Her red hair is curled, half up in a big blue bow, the rest cascading over her shoulder. She’s tucked away in the corner, almost as though she’s hiding herself away from others. He notices my confusion and smirks, “That’s Idah, she’s new around here, too, and with this being a small town, everyone knows everyone. So, it’s easy to spot new faces when we see them. She’s on her break, so maybe you two can become friends. She won’t bite, promise.” He chuckles.

Before I can ask anything else, he disappears into the back, leaving me standing there looking just as perplexed as I feel. I look around, feeling slightly embarrassed, and notice no one staring. Phew. I can either wait here for my coffee and take it to go, or take his advice and introduce myself to her. A friend in this place would be nice.

---