Page 72 of Never Too Late

Because it's been him the whole time.

I was just too stupid to realise.

The house is nothing more than a shell hiding broken things and bad memories, those I try so desperately to forget.

My body moulds into the seat of my bike, feeling comforted by the familiar feeling, naturally relaxing as I turn the key and push my foot on the floor, ready to leave. But the anxiety hits me again when I come to the roundabout, reminding myself I need to take a different turn than what I have become used to the last few weeks.

Everything is changing again. I finally got used to something and now it’s being disturbed.

The memory of his retreating back as the doors closed behind him replays in my mind, again and again taking over my thoughts. No matter how hard I force my eyes to close, the image remains.

I’ve seen the way Noah looks at him. What if Jae has now realised he doesn’t want me, but wants him?

What if he leaves again?

I don’t think I could survive a second time.

I’m brought back to reality when I hear a driver behind me honking his horn and shouting at me, telling me it’s time to go. But deep down, I find myself asking the question, go where?

I think about going to the cliffs to get some space, but with the rain starting to fall and not having a jacket, I decide against the idea and continue down the roads of green trees and open fields towards ‘home.’

I think about turning back and going to Jae.

But what if I’m the reason Noah’s coming back?

What if I’m the reason he needs to be saved?

The rain starts to pick up. Each drop becomes more aggressive and violent. The sky around me starts to darken. Concentrating on the roads ahead, I ride down the back lanes with ease. I’ve ridden this path a million times, I could do it with my eyes closed while I try my hardest to keep my mind occupied. Trying to think of anything else other than the possibility that I’ve somehow hurt my sunshine again.

I pull off the main road, leading me to the narrow maze of streets towards the house, and I find my body unable to stop the panic.

Stopping at the unknown car parked in the drive, I swing my legs from the bike, not caring about anything else around, and I throw my bike to the ground. Kicking the pebbles towards it as I make my way to the door.

“Fucking piece of shit,” I groan under my breath as I search for the house key in my jean pocket.

“All you ever do is cause pain, Dax, that’s all you’re good for.”

“Maybe he’s realised just how fucked up you are, and Noah has come to save him from you.”

The front door swings open and Tyler comes into view.

“Hey, what is wrong with you? What’s happened?" He peeks behind me, spotting the bike on the floor. "What did the bike do?”

I don't answer his questions as I push past him, I don’t want to talk to him right now. I don’t want to talk to anyone.

I feel his hand at my arm, attempting to pull me back, and I rapidly pull my arm away.

Turning myself back to face him, I bawl, “Just leave me alone, Tyler.”

I can hear him speaking but I don’t pay attention to the sound coming out of his mouth, I just want to lock myself away.

I need to get away.

Swinging my bedroom door open, I ensure I push it hard enough that it hits the wall with a loud thud before slamming closed a little too forcibly, but I don’t care. Still feeling unable to breathe, I start to take off all items of clothing, leaving on just my boxers. My skin suddenly feels as though it’s on fire and my clothes are burning into my flesh. I need to remove everything. The feeling of it is too much.

Everything is too much.

All I can feel is pain, all I do is cause pain.

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